I'm just curious as to why everyone doesn't want kids. I have a multitude of reasons myself. First off, for selfish reasons, I simply have never had any desire whatsoever. I'm 28, and I thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster every day of my life that I'm not a breeder. I rarely ever meet anyone who is actually happy with their kids. Sure, in between complaints, they might say, "nah, but I really love them," but I think a lot of people had them on accident or didn't know what they were in for.

Regardless of how breeders end up feeling, I just don't like kids that much. They can be fun to hang out with sometimes if they are well parented, but I wouldn't want to take one home to stay. They take up too much time and attention and I don't find them all that interesting. I want to be able to move and travel, not having to worry about finding a babysitter, or taking them with me on vacation, or dragging them away from their friends to move to a new state. I've always enjoyed having a lot of time to myself, and if I had kids, I'd hardly have that.

From an unselfish view, I don't think I have the right to bring someone into this world. It's not my life - not my choice. This world is pretty messed up. All sorts of shit can happen: rape, assualt, murder, accidents, mental illness, other diseases, etc. If I can guarrantee someone's happiness, I don't think it's right of me to bring them into this world. Then, there's the enviornment. I don't want to make myself have an exponential carbon foot print by breeding. We already use too many of the earths resources and cause a lot of pollution. One of the best ways to help with that is to not create another human.

On a side note, I did a ten-minute speech in college for speech class on this very subject and a lot of the written comments I got back were dumb shit like "this guy is depressed; he should get help." It's pretty dumb when people think there's something wrong with you because you acknowledge the dangers of this world and are sympathetic about how that will affect future children.

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Replies to This Discussion

YES! Although the fact that you had to wait past childbearing years to finally get people of your back is worrying.
My mom's new argument is that we'll grow bored. sigh. Having children as entertainment is close to the weakest, most irresponsible reason for having a kid.
Bored? There is a curse that goes something like this: May you live in interesting times.

Uh, yeah. I'm not bored. I'm relaxed. :)

I think that you have to be firm about it if you mean it.

To be fair, a lot of people do change their minds. There's nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't lend credence to the claims of the people who don't change later on. After all, there's no way to read the future.

Either way, a person's decision in the here and now should be respected. Despite this, moms nag about grandchildren no matter what you do.
I'm going to address my answer to this particular post to the general board instead of to Barbara Mills personally since this was posted about 2 years ago.
First of all, I'm really glad that her situation turned out for the best for the simple reason that her daughter will grow up to be a well adjusted adult most likely. One great way to ruin a person's sense of self is to tell them how much your life was ruined because you got pregnant with them! Obviously, this poster has come to terms with the changes in her life and is happy. Happy parents are better parents in my opinion. Still, it could be that Ms. Mills is a happy person in general and adjusts easily to new experiences. (I am not!)
I do wish that instead of ending her post with "I was wrong wrong wrong" she could say that she felt one way about something and then changed her mind when she got new information? It might not be an important point.
My personal reaction to each of her points is, yeah, I can do all that without giving birth myself (as many of you have pointed out) either with my pet or children in my family or circle of friends.
She also says that the parent gets more out of it than the kid... I think it would be a mistake to say that this is true for all parents. Some parents are literally sucked dry by their vampiric children who do nothing but take take take! Even if the situation is not that bad, I find it hard to believe that the adult is getting more rewards simply because the child cannot survive without you while you would be able to survive without it. So, the kid is being given survival and the parent is not. That might sound weird but it just occurred to me... I've never tried to put that into words before. So, it seems risky to me to bet that your kid is going to be a great, giving, caring, wonderful life enrichment tool when it could just as well be the bad seed.
I do not think that the world needs another little version of me rounding. ;O)

Ah, mini-me. Heh. The thought of a mini-me was a bit terrorific to me too. :)
I find there are many out there who, as long as they have a child or 10, feel good about their lives. This will never be true for me. I will likely never be satisfied with what I've done(or not done) with my life, but having a little one surely won't change that.

For me, it was always that I'd get my career on track first, own a house, be financially secure enough to send them through private school and provide for every eventuality. Bear in mind, this was before I was introduced to the "real world". Life has a funny way of turning everything you think you know on its head, in rapid fashion. A few years ago, I realized I was stuck on the consumer treadmill that has become America. I had a wife, her 2 kids, nice house, we made 6 figures together... It was never enough. I grew out of that lifestyle. Now I live comfortably below the means of most, so could never afford children(more likely I could never afford the child support that is all but inevitable these days).
My little bro has a toddler who I adore, for short periods of time, but I mostly can't relate to people in general who don't/can't stimulate my intellect. Getting a point across to young humans is not easy in the least for me. Hell, most adults have a hard time understanding me(its my fault, mind you- my brain works, or doesn't, if you're a dick, most uniquely). I have never found another who meets me at my level, adults included. I just re-read this, and feel I should point out I'm not being narcissistic with this statement. Its a fair chance half the world would have to come down to my level, not up... This is the main reason I've joined here, to expand my search for people more in tune with me. Its a shame I took so long to make the Atheistic stand, I used to just let it go if someone wants religion- their problem, not mine.
Lastly, I guess I'm too selfish. There are things I would have loved to do when I had the high paying job, but providing for 4 cancels that. I would always hold it against another(child, spouse, whatever) if they held me back.
Sorry, this is the last bit- overpopulation. I would like to think we humans could figure out we're already past the "comfortable" population density this planet can maintain equilibrium. I'm not a Luddite, mind you, I love technology, but- without the tech in the last 150 or so years(mostly health oriented), we humans would be nowhere close to 6.5 billion strong, and the Earth would be better for it.
My reasons for not having children are numerous.

1. Over six billion people are on the earth. That's already too many. People are starving to death, children already exist that have no hope for the future. Adding to the population is irresponsible.

2. I have Lupus, fibromyalgia, and Hashimoto's thyroiditis - not great indicators of superior genetic material. My IQ is very high but there's no guarantee of passing that trait on to my offspring nor that it would be enough to offset the other disadvantages of my genes.

3. I suffer from PTSD and wouldn't want my issues to have an impact on a child.

4. I'm incapable of reproduction.
For me this issue is a lot cleaner. No, I'm not making fun of the dirty little rug-rats. ; ) I happen to really like other people's well behaved children. I have a genetic disorder with a chance of passing it on at 50%.
Try to explain to someone why you don’t want kids, without going into a full blown medical report on your situation. Especially if they are attack you/defending their choices. (aka not-a-pleasant-cocktail-party-topic)
Huntington's? If it is, good decision.
Well, as a woman I have no desire to do that to my body. I suffer enough every month as it is for not being pregnant... I get so annoyed when I watch shows on tv about women about to give birth and they insist on a "natural" childbirth. Are they crazy??? Yes. I don't think they realize that it was not uncommon to die in "natural" childbirth...and still isn't uncommon in some parts of the world.

Also I don't get the desire to have big families. I think for most it must be a religious influence; one more reason I'm glad to be an atheist. Children are time-consuming and expensive (I should know; I still live at home because I can't afford to move out, and I feel bad for my parents). People tend to romanticize the idea of raising kids, but you have to look at it practically as well. Kids are individual human beings with their own ways of thinking, not mindless zombies (most anyway) nor pets. At the end of the day, a parent only has so much influence on what kind of person their kid(s) will be.

I guess I just don't have the motivation to be parenting 24/7. Even if I did have the money, I would rather travel, try new things, or just relax and enjoy solitude once in a while. I'm an introvert and a loner, and I'm happy with that.

My boyfriend recently mentioned that he's not eager to have kids after what a little hellion he was (until he hit puberty, oddly enough), but he admits he's too selfish. Not that he's a self-absorbed jerk; far from it, but I get what he's saying. He wants to do things for himself, and for us. After all, we're already alive, so we might as well get the most out of it for ourselves while we can.

Plus my little biological clock seems to be on permanent snooze. I think I'd be better off getting a dog (my family recently got a puppy shar-pei after 8 years of not having a pet, and I adore him), cat, fish, something like that. Should I ever decide to have a kid (no more than that, no freakin' way), I would be better off adopting. There are so many kids already born who need people to love them and yet so many do what to me is selfish and have kids with their own DNA.

Ok, I'm done ranting now...I hope this makes some sense...I'm only on my first cup of coffee. Oh yeah, I love coffee, alcohol, and sushi. I'm not giving those up for 9+ months. F*** that...
I have never had a maternal instinct, and cringe whenever children are around. My mother laments that I never even played with baby dolls when I was little ;) Seriously, they are these little alien beings to me that I have no desire for whatsoever. It kills me that people have the audacity to call us wilfully childless people selfish, and yet there are parents out there who have NO right breeeding, and couldn't give a damn about their kids. So who is really the selfish one? It's not like we have to worry about populating the planet. Having children when you don't want them is not just selfish, it's plain stupid (accidents notwithstanding).
One other advantage of not having children, which I have recently found out from personal experience is:
When your wife runs off with another man who is also married and neither of the couples have children, at least you don't have to worry about custody and child support.




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