In places like South Africa especially in the black communities when you come out of the closet and say you are a full blown Atheist they start deserting you and telling each other that you are satanic and got possessed by forces of the dark.. Worse part, I only listen to heavymetal rock and have posters of Slayer and Black Sabbath on my bedroom wall.. And yeah, after going through that process of being named Luciferian, I decided its better if I keep my thoughts a secret..
Well I have to make sure I restrain myself sometimes -- isn't always easy to do.
I'm very much in the closet. My wife has no idea. The only people who know are a couple of people I work with that are of similar belief. We all work in this small southern town where there are 7 churches and no stoplights. I quit believig about 2 years ago (I think I disbelieved longer than that but didn't really come to grips with it until then) My wife has been a believer since childhood and is actually a very strong rational thinker but refuses to apply it to her beliefs as that might "lead me down Satan's path" (her words). We live with her mother who is 80 years old and has the logical reasoning skills of a 3 year old. (Anything she doesn't understand is "stupid!") THis woman sends a total of about $100 a month to various televangelists. I know i'm being dishonest and living a lie but at the same time.......it's just hard. I feel like that if I came out to my wife she'd divorce me and keep my son away. The first part would hurt, but I could live with it. That boy of mine, however, is my universe....I guess as a parent you have to make a lot of decisions and do things that don't make a whole lot of sense. I guess I'd rather be here to protect him from the full force of the crazy than to let him get it undiluted. But at least somebody in my real life knows what i'm going through and can sympathize.