Bible isn't conservative enough for Conservatives.

(I was going to post this in Comedy because I was laughing so hard when I read it, but then decided this would be the best place for it.)

Aparently the Bible has become too liberal for Conservatives, and they have started a project to edit it to fit their own views of what "God's Word" should be.

A list of changes they are looking to make, from the project's site:
--1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias

--2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity

--3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level

--4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop;defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle".

--5. Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots"; using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census

--6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.

--7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning

--8. Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story

--9. Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels

--10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God."

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I hope they keep the part about zombies wandering the streets of Jerusalem after Jesus' death.
Did you guys see Salon's satirical response to this? It really is fabulous:
Did you guys see Salon's satirical response to this? It really is fabulous:
That is hilarious!


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