What's the BEST line you NEVER used on a Christian but wanted to REEELY bad...?



My fundie ex-mother-in-law once handed me a "letter from God", it was a project their pastor had given them, to write a hypothetical letter from God to themselves, and what they imagined God would say to them and about them, what advice God would give, etc.


It was all pretty mundane stuff, hardly worth commenting on, but the first thought that entered my head (but did not pass my lips) was...


"For the creator of the universe, God can't spell worth a damn...."


Had to bite my tongue to keep from blurting that out...





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I had a regular customer that was a pastor. He gave me literature all the time (which was put in the circular file).  At work, I always tried very hard to avoid every discussion of religion or belief, but with this person, it was very difficult keeping my mouth shut.  

One day, the week before easter, the pastor came in and asked me if I would be in church this sunday.  I replied no.  He asked why not? I replied " I don't need it"

That was the last time he ever said anything to me regarding religion.

That was a very effective, measured response. Good job! I wish I could think of simple yet inoffensive responses like that. I either go off the deep end (rarely), or more often I don't have a good comeback and I spend hours frustrated and wondering what I could have said that would have shut the person up. I'll have to remember that one, thanks!
The phrase 'letter from God' just reminded me of when my son was young and he saw a church and proudly exclaimed, "Mom, look!  It's a small 't'."  He was learning his alphabet and saw the symbol as 'just another letter' rather than what it means to Christians.  I was secretly proud of his knowledge/ignorance.   He wasn't being raised to carry the baggage of religion as an innocent child.  He's 20 now and still a heathen like his mom.

Heehee ;-)  That reminds me of that Steven Colbert commentary where he (mock) defended Justice Scalia's reasoning about the Mount Soledad Cross being a "secular" symbol, claiming "it could be read as a giant 't', meaning 'thank you, Jews...' [for serving your country...]"


I hadn't heard about that....Steven Colbert is my hero.  I worship him even more now.  What he can express with one eyebrow lifting speaks volumes.
I have a t-shirt says, "Don't Like Abortion?  Don't Have One."  Lady came up to me, said, "I don't like abortion."  I ALMOST said, "Lady, I can't imagine the man who'd willingly put you in a position to need one."
Freakin' awesome!! 
I seriously want a bumper sticker that says "You're proof abortion should be legal." But I don't want my car badly damaged, either. >.>
How stupid is that to say "I don't like abortion" in response to a shirt that already has an answer to the person's not liking it?

That made me chuckle...

My overly religious neighbor stormed over to my house and accused me of yelling at his kids to get off my property (I didn't yell at them btw).  He proceeded to allegedly find Home Owners Association violations on my property and smugly announced flopping his arm over my shoulders that "I could tell on you, but I won't."  When the "visit" was over and he was about to leave he announced that he was a christian (as if the giant cross hanging around his scrawny neck didn't clue me in).  Neither my husband or I said a word and after a noticeable silence he left.  Later I wanted to kick myself for not replying to him after his stunnng announcement, "I'm sorry, I hear they're working on a cure for that."  A missed opportunity....

The bible for all its flaws has some wisdom.  A proverb:  "A word in season, how good it is."
Dunno if anybody said it yet, but I always fight the urge to reply "I'll think for you" when people say that they will pray for me.


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