What's the BEST line you NEVER used on a Christian but wanted to REEELY bad...?



My fundie ex-mother-in-law once handed me a "letter from God", it was a project their pastor had given them, to write a hypothetical letter from God to themselves, and what they imagined God would say to them and about them, what advice God would give, etc.


It was all pretty mundane stuff, hardly worth commenting on, but the first thought that entered my head (but did not pass my lips) was...


"For the creator of the universe, God can't spell worth a damn...."


Had to bite my tongue to keep from blurting that out...





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I'm not very good at biting my tongue these days. I remember designing a stained-glass hanging which I got a woman to make for me.  My mother suggested it contained evil spirits because the woman would have been New Age. I told her, "How ridiculous.  Do you check who made your pair of shoes?"


When I was being 'controlled' as a child, my mother said, 'Don't let your mind go blank or the devil will enter.'  Made me feel like I couldn't relax when having a bath.  Maybe someone has a retort for that?


I'm not great at witty retorts, but when I was debating on a forum, there were plenty from others.  I was making a point about Australian animals being unique eg the platypus.  I said something about the platypus having venomous spurs and being able to poo, pee and reproduce from the same hole.  Someone replied "that's just like our fundies.  Except they have one hole at the wrong end."

Dunno if anybody said it yet, but I always fight the urge to reply "I'll think for you" when people say that they will pray for me.
I considered using that as a retort for awhile but couldn't justify the use of my time and energy to do the thinking for the willfully ignorant...or even to say it in jest.  I refuse to think for them. Perhaps something like "Pray for me?  Gee thanks. If you don't want to do anything that will really help just say so."
A simple one, but when someone just has to proclaim their christianity, I reply; "Sorry to hear that".

I came accross this recently..


Prez Jed absolutely slamming a fundie shock jock.. I'll have to memorize it all







LOL  or OTFL  (On The Floor Laughing) ~!!!

i like that one - "i'll think for you. . ."


why are so many people hung up on christians and what they think? who cares!!? (unless, maybe you are surrounded by them.) it would be interesting to hear about some other religion as well though.  has anyone ever had their family sit shiva for them cause they've become an atheist/ agnostic, whatever?  any buddhists?  curious minds would like to hear from you. . .

I think its a great idea.


Dear Jeremy,


I know everything.


I know that the 90 lawn gnomes that were "liberated" and put on that poor person’s front lawn, resulting in a front page article in the local newspaper dedicated to catching the culprit, was you.

I watched over the years, while you worked for Disney Cruise Line, you told children that, if they were bad, they would be left on a stray island, resulting in them turning into donkeys. Then sold to Juan Valdés to pick coffee in the hills of Columbia, or used below deck in giant hamster wheels to generate the electricity.

I witnessed you drunkenly dyeing your hands blue with toilet cleaner in your freshman year...and again in your senior year.  

I did not approve of when you caught the neighbour’s white, long haired cat on your lawn laying pipe, and thus dyed him green using cool aid. Then preceded to act outraged by your own deed when you found the owner going door to door very upset.

…and for those reasons, I feel your acceptance into heaven would be too disruptive to our campus. I recommend applying to Hell.



so the pastor is judge, jury and court? c'mon ... that's worth a tounge bite LOL

Best thing I ever heard someone say: A guy who was with some "associates" said to this atheist: "We don't like what you said about god, we're christians."  The atheist guy said: "So ..... forgive me."


Hah! Good one JS, that made me laugh.


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