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Can an atheist and a devout christian have a long lasting romantic relationship?

I live in a very small town in south Louisiana, so finding a female atheist in my age group (I'm 34) is virtually impossible. I am surrounded by christians, mostly catholic. I have tried to find companionship on dating sites, but there aren't very many self-proclaimed atheists in my neck of the woods. However I've been involved in a relationship with a very devout catholic woman. She knows I'm atheist, but she thinks we can still have a good long-term relationship. I'm not sure that it's possible. I am in no rush for a commitment right now, but when I am ready for it could an atheist and a catholic be in a relationship together for the long haul? Has anyone else been in this situation?

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Permalink Reply by hunter on July 7, 2010 at 10:45am

lol that is so true jenifer

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Permalink Reply by Denise Deiloh on July 6, 2010 at 11:41pm

Chances are the both of you can handle each other as long as neither tries to convert the other. If marriage isn't in the cards, your stressing too much. Religion doesn't have to be a big part of a relationship. If marriage becomes a possibility, I would suggest that the two of you have some very serious discussions about children: if you want them and how many, thoughts on parenting styles, how important are the rituals of the church for the children, holiday observances, etc.

I was liberal Christian and my husband fundamentalist when we met. We stayed close friends for six years before deciding to get married. In the last few years I've dropped out of religion and he became more liberal. We have children and there are some very difficult struggles when it comes to scripture teaching. We manage and we still love each other very much.

Good luck.

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Permalink Reply by Tex Miller on July 7, 2010 at 3:59pm

I read in one of your replies to a comment that you said "she hopes to convert you some day"? Unless that's something you consider possible, I'd be pretty concerned about going into anything serious or long term with someone who clearly is deluding herself (in more ways than one).

Also, as at least one other has said, if something more longterm, especially if children are possibly in the picture, you will want to give this a tremendous amount of thought. I married a Catholic, and while they are surprisingly more moderate in most of their beliefs than many in the US South, you will still have to figure out what you are teaching your kids.

The Catholic church has a a spin off of their "marriage encounter" program for newly weds. It makes you deal with lots of often unaddressed issues before you are married. Whether secular or not I strongly recommend you go through some kind of pre-marriage counseling if this relationship gets that serious.

Of course if this is just "for fun" and for the moment (and if she agrees that it is just for fun... which I kinda doubt, but I don't know her) then I don't see much of a problem. Have fun.

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Permalink Reply by Corey on July 7, 2010 at 5:00pm

Thanks Tex. We won't be having any children together, she had a hysterectomy after her 2nd child from a previous marriage, and I have no intention of reproducing with anyone else. I also have two children from a previous marriage (now merging families would be a whole other issue). My children are 11 and 12 now, and they would likely be at least three or four years older before I'd be ready to commit to marriage again. That is if we are still seeing each other and still feel the same.

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Permalink Reply by Tex Miller on July 8, 2010 at 10:43am

As you know I'm not an advocate (after my experience) of converting a significant other away from religion, but if she loves you and accepts your heathen ways, go for it. ;) Hopefully her fantasy of converting you back to religion one day isn't too important to her. Sounds like merging those families will be interesting, but hey it's not so uncommon in today's America. Wishing you two all the best where ever your relationship ultimately takes you. --Tex

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Permalink Reply by Coughcool on July 9, 2010 at 7:39pm

I was a Christian when I Married my wife over 15 years ago. Even though my wife is still a Christian she is one of the few people that knows I'm know longer a Christian and still loves me and accepts me for who I am. I guess I'm lucky.

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Permalink Reply by Grace Fitzpatrick on August 1, 2010 at 10:20am

I was an xtain and my dh was an atheist when we got married. He was very good at hiding it. I was questioning many things about my faith and exploring other faiths/ideas when we met. I am not sure if it would have worked if I was rock solid in my faith instead of deeply questioning. In addition, he had what I considered to be a bit of a "flaw". He was a conservative and I was a liberal. Now, we are both liberal atheists and closer than ever. I suppose the question in any relationship is can you change in the same direction? She sounds pretty devoted to her beliefs. However, maybe there is a seed of doubt in there that we don't see. The fact is she is dating an out of the closet atheist, so either she's questioning her own beliefs or she's thinking she's going to "save" you.

That video is one of the reasons I homeschool my children. The local grade school has crosses and angels displayed in the windows. The principal has a fish on his car. The school teaches creationism, but not evolution. The message at this "public" school is clear. Disagreement with xtainity is not tolerated whether it is a Muslim, a Jew, a Buddhist or an Atheist doing the questioning.

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Permalink Reply by Joseph P on August 1, 2010 at 4:53pm

Wait, what?

The school teaches creationism, but not evolution.

How have they not been sued over that, yet? Call the ACLU or something. Christ. How do we still have that going on anywhere in America?