I'm the kind of person who hate pretending even if i tried to pretend i fail miserably xD
So being an atheist living in a religious society is hard for me
I can't just come out of the closet there gonna be some consequences
People will judge me and stop talking to me, my family would be ashamed and they will live in shame because of me
And it is a strict Islamic country.. You figure out what might happen.
So I cant let people know
Luckily my family is not so religious
But still atheism is not acceptable
A brother and sister know about me not because i told them but because i made it obvious
They don't accept it but they can't say a thing
Anyway... Do you think it is going to be possible to live like this forever ?
Pretending I'm one of them around them?
I had a chance to go to the US.. I was planning to do my best to stay there and leave my country but I couldn't.. Because females can't go out of the country without a relative male
Which made me sad not only because i couldn't leave but also i couldn't continue my studying T_T
I hope you find a way to live freely! (As you said, most likely out of the country.)
Perhaps you need to ask yourself, "What do I need to do to come OUT of the closet SAFELY?" Yes, that's a big bite to take, but it's pretty clear to me that you aren't happy living the way you're living, and your country is not likely to warm to atheism any time in the near future.
It may be that you need to lay some plans, plot strategy, and figure out just what it will take for you to be able to live your life as an atheist as you want. I can't imagine that it will be easy. I have to believe it will be worth it.
Can you form an underground group online? there must be resources for others just like you in your area. No way you're the only one.
Such a frustrating situation. You can't even say that, as an atheist, these rules about leaving the country don't apply to you. Grrrr!!
I would take drastic measures, maybe spending time researching a way out, safe havens......but wow, from one country to another.....kudos for making it obvious to your siblings! That may not seem like much, but people don't leave their religion instantly. You planted a seed in their heads and perhaps it will grow into doubts of their own.
I've been thinking of the women of SA - restricted and made invisible. I'm glad to hear one of them!
You could lead a double life; but pretending is bad for you, after some time you don't know who you are anymore. So you have to pretend - but is there a possibility that you can travel abroad? In a non-islamic country you could escape from the hotel, hide and contact a women's help organization. You could ask asylum in a non-islamic country on the grounds that your life is in danger where you come from. Without your passport they cannot send you back because there's no proof who you are.
Good luck to you! I hope you'll talk to us often.