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Daily struggles of atheist life.

How hard is it to adjust being an atheist coming out of a religious household. I know for me, i lost alot of family and friends, all of which were baptist christians, When i came out as an atheist.

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Permalink Reply by Daniel W on July 14, 2011 at 8:46am

It can be hard. You might want to try the group on Nexus,"Life after christian fundamentalism"

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Permalink Reply by Brian Wood on July 18, 2011 at 11:53am

Well, obviously the friends weren't friends, and one can't choose one's relatives--it's a genetic crapshoot--and family is often over-rated. After all, all the murderers the world's ever seen had mommies, and most of the murderers were, themselves, parents.

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Permalink Reply by Pat on July 18, 2011 at 8:37pm

Sentient Biped is right. You can find support here. However, for me, I take the following, more cynical, approach.

If the basis for a friendship is that the "friend" insists you think and conform your thoughts to what he/she deems acceptable, and can not accept you for who you are and what you are, then I seriously question the basis of the "friendship." As to relatives, who gives a damn. Unlike a wife or husband, they can't divorce you. Only ignore you and talk about you behind your back at the family reunions. And besides, the gossipy bible thumping aunt/uncle or in my case, sister-in-law, probably made lousy potato salad that no one likes anyway. So, who gives a shit!

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Permalink Reply by Stan Wonn on July 29, 2011 at 11:56pm

I agree with what Pat said...you really can learn a lot about who your friends are/are not by "coming out." That was certainly my experience when I came out as a gay man years ago. However, it's also true that sometimes people just need time to come around and readjust their understanding of you and what you're about. If they truly love you, they will.

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Permalink Reply by John Hoffheiser on July 26, 2011 at 8:19am

Thanks for all of the supportive comments you guys, this really means alot to me and i deeply appreciate all of the support. Thank you.

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Permalink Reply by Micah Oliver on July 29, 2011 at 2:30pm

You can find new friends here. :)

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Permalink Reply by Sassan K. on July 29, 2011 at 7:51pm

I didn't know it could be so hard for people in America - where do you live?? I live in California so I have never experienced a problem even though I live in a conservative county - they are all pretty much secular.

One thing though; look at this one brightside through all the difficulties: if you were living in an Islamic country you might have been executed.

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Permalink Reply by David Anam on July 29, 2011 at 8:41pm

In my case, my immediate family is pretty liberal, so I've had no problems with them. My extended family is heavily evangelical, but extremely nice people who would never do or say something hurtful... at least not to my face. I have found out about some things said behind my back that were less nice, but I don't know who said what or what the details of the situation were, so it's hard for me to say whether there is much of a problem there or not. The feeling I get is that the blame for my atheism is being put against my parents, who apparently have put up with a lot of crap.

The most direct confrontation comes from coworkers who are almost all Christians. Nearly every time I've mentioned that I'm an atheist, some coworker instantly starts quizzing me on evolution or the big bang, like I'm supposed to be some kind of scientist. Though honestly the more intense conversations at work always revolve around politics. When I say that I'm a moderate with liberal leanings, they hear "communist."

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Permalink Reply by Sassan K. on July 29, 2011 at 9:28pm

what state?

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Permalink Reply by Jennie Devlin on July 30, 2011 at 1:49am

Having a very religious family is the worst lol I can't say that I've lost many friends outright yet, as most do not know, coming out is a tough thing, and I am proud of your choice! it will get easier as time goes on and they either accept that its not going to change or you move on with your life outside of them entirely. I'm not sure of the exact situation with your family as far as acceptance goes, but there are many resources for you out here and hopefully many new friends to replace the ones you've lost. Good luck!

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Permalink Reply by Kim D on August 4, 2011 at 12:29pm

My friends and family already know that I don't go to church and that I'm not religious, but I bet they have no idea that I am an atheist. My parents dropped by (without calling first) on their way home from church on Sunday and the first thing my mother did was pick up was a book I had laying on the table called "Raising Freethinkers - Parenting Beyond Belief." I don't think she looked at it long enough to really get the gist of what it was or if she did, she probably wouldn't want to believe that I am an atheist. You're brave for coming out and you will make new friends with common interests.

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Permalink Reply by Torkoal (Gotta catch 'em all) on August 6, 2011 at 8:18pm

My full sympathy to you ): Inevitably, when you come out as an atheist you will probably lose one person close to you-but looks at it this way, if they would not tolerate your atheism they are probably people you would not want to be close to.