well i know this may be a weird palce to ring up mu "problems" but honestly besides my folks all i have is the internet. see i happen to be 20 years old, with no car, no friends and a virgin :( . see i live in a "urban" neigborhood and i could never really relate to the kids around me.... at 15 i broke away from society...i became a "hermit" because of my depression. you see i started going to a suburban school and made tons of friends... even  a few girls where interested in me, but of course being 16 and 17 and having no car was like "ill". i could never find a job because of transportation issues... i had one at 16 but was fired 4 months later for not being able to show up to work. i tried city buses but in detroit and being white was a problem to some peole.... i was shot and stabbed once... and decided to never catch a bus in the city again... even though i live in the city. i have never dated, and that makes me fell... well like crap... sometimes even suicidal. see basically i have NO LIFE. see i want to go to a school for either nursing/nurse assistant or pharmacy tech... i mean the schools around here for those things are really inexpensive. but getting a ride from my folks to post school/high school seems way to inberesing for me. plus i really want to u know... get in the sheets finally... but who would want to date a guy in my situation.... i've benn on so many different med's i've gained 105 pounds!!! plus school i go to has to be in subrbia, at least they'll understand that i like metal and rockabilly... and dress like a greaser lol, well some of them anyway... what im trying to say is ther any hope for me... and be honest for real.


sorry for my mispellings im very very sorry

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Is there any hope for you?

DUDE!!! You're only 20. Hope is all there is for you. The same as any 20 year old :) You haven't had the chance to make anything of yourself yet. I know it seems that you have more obstacles in front of you than most but life is about finding a way through. When you do that and find the satisfaction you seek, you'll have earned it more than most and should savour it more than most too ;)

About depression - It's literally a state of mind, reinforced by the chemical cycles that establish themselves in your head. Every little thing you do towards gaining control over your life will dismantle that depression. Remember this little model: Oppression, without expression = depression. That means that while you feel oppressed by circumstances, society, the public, peers, or what ever, and feel you don't have the power to avoid it, justify it or talk about it, then you'll internalise it and become 'depressed'.

Don't see things as blocks, but as challenges. Also, take on one challenge at a time and don't worry about the side details. If getting your folks to help you get to school carries the risk of embarrassment, then just satisfy yourself that it's the right thing to do and weather the embarrassment. Shit mate, at least you're building yourself a future. It takes character to do the right thing despite peer pressure for the opposite. Plan your education and be sure of where you're going with it. It'll give you reason to see yourself in a favourable light. Your 'self esteem' is so much more important, and more powerful, than the way you're seen by others.

Oh, and chicks REALLY like a guy who's focussed on life. At least any chick who's worth getting to know. She'll feel you're a safe option and want to work on the relationship, not just run with it until she gets bored ;)

Hope that helps mate. Message me if you wanna talk more.
There's a group on Nexus for people who deal with depression, too.
With some minor differences, you sound like my husband in his depression. Let's start with you, ok? You have a very clear case of debilitating depression, it's getting in your way of having a life, a job and whatever else you need. What I think you should do is get a State councillor, probably at HHS and go from there, get them to help you get on disability income. It seems to work better using them than it would work trying to get on it by yourself. My husband had to do it that way. Get all your papers and history together and apply. Don't give up if they seem to reject your claim, keep applying. That will at least get you an income. After you get it, there's nothing that says you can't go to school for the education you want. Don't give up on yourself!
Hang in there. It's rough right now, and what you've been through will make you stronger; stronger than those who dissed you. Don't let anyone control your thoughts, and don't define yourself based on what others think. It's good that you have a plan and reached out. I'm pulling for you. I have Faith in you:)
It gets better. It may get worse at a later date but typically, nothing remains in the same state. The key is to weather the storm when it gets real bad and to learn to bask in the sunlight when things really pick up; and they will. Everyone deals with depression on some level; certainly I have and I do mean a dark, dismal and rotten depression. What helps me get through those times is focusing on those things that I most enjoy; even simple things like going to the gym or talking to my sister on the phone. Learning to shift your focus to less depressing things can definitely be a help. You like Metal and Rockabilly music? Dig into some of that. Be the greasiest greaser you've ever been. Dance around your home in your underwear and celebrate the idea of new opportunities and better circumstances. At 20, you're not the only person who's not had intimate relationships with women but you have a lot to look forward to, when things pick up you'll be glad you weathered the storm. Ya damn right there's hope for you! As long as you have things to hope for, there's hope!
There is always hope if you don't quit . Everything in your life will change.It is just a matter of time.
Micheal there has been a lot of good advice given here in this thread if I had one thing to add it is this.

Try to learn to be comfortable with who you are, believe me I know it is a tough thing to do. I still myself struggle with such things and will probably always struggle with them.

At the end of the day I found what mattered and worked for me was how comfortable I was just being me. Now this isn't exactly the same as liking oneself, it is more of a zen approach based on the understanding that the world isn't perfect and that neither am I and that it is ok. It is the imperfections in our life which help shape who we are as individuals.

One thing I always remember is that if it were not for an imperfect universe, I wouldn't even be here to think about such things.

Good luck, and know that you have many people pulling for you.

P.S. It sometimes (at least it did for me) helps to write things down, even if you don't keep an active diary. I will often type out a whole essay only to delete it at the end, simply to help myself organize and understand my thoughts about something.

It took a lot of guts to say what you have said here and that in itself is a step in the right direction. There is hope for elderly folks in your shoes, much less someone your age. The best thing you can do when you are feeling any "negative" emotion be it stress, depression, anger, etc. is to clear your mind as best you can, take a few deep breaths, then (and this is most important) talk with someone about it. I am no psychotherapist but I have dealt with similar depression and suicidal thoughts, and surprisingly I snapped out of it on my own when I realized that nothing has the power to emotionally move me unless I allow it to...

Hope this helps and my thoughts are with you :)
There are so many outside forces at work on our life Micheal. We can't control all of them but we can try our best to shape the affects those forces have. Most of all you can't let them discourage you from getting what you want out of life. There have been many bad periods in my life where I thought that there was no hope for my future happiness. But i worked through them and am now very happy about my future. Just weather the storm and you will come out on the other side. It could change at any moment, you just have to be ready to take advantage. Put in the hard work and you'll be a better person in the future for all that you have gone through
I was going to say something like this. I am turning 30 soon and live with my parent (I had a 3 year stint living in apts and getting ripped off by landlords...got sick of that.) I was also unemployed for almost 2 years...finally got a low paying part time job. I don't want to go to any high school reunions and see all the classmates I hated who now own their own homes and make 6 figures. I do feel sometimes defensive or like I'll be judged, especially for the living with parent thing...but I personally don't think there is anything wrong with it, and actually have my reasons why it's a good thing (saving resources, money, spending time with family). Still, societal judgment is a hard thing to completely overcome. But should someone's worth be based on how much money they make, or how much money they generate for some corporation? Or their ability to be intimate with someone else/have lots of intercourse? Why is it so important to be independent even if you're broke and miserable?

Getting involved in something to occupy your time can be helpful. So going to school might be a good thing. Maybe you could get dropped off a block away from the school if you feel embarrassed? There is a segment of the population who never learns to drive. I don't think that's you, but there isn't something wrong with it. I also was car-less for awhile after my one car died, and was getting rides/borrowing my mom's car, etc. You could also learn to drive if you don't know how, and then at least borrow the car maybe?

I imagine there are a lot of depressed people in Detroit. Even looking at it on Google Maps, it looks like the place is falling apart!
Have you considered getting therapy or joining a support group? It's obvious you need emotional and social support. I'm not trying to be cruel - I'm bipolar and take meds, therapy, and group help. But I noticed that you tend to post these long "help me" posts on a site that's not really for that type of stuff.

Just a suggestion.
Hi Michael :)

I'm sorry you've had some tough breaks in life. Myself, I've been a hermit for a long time because I've never been able to "fit in" to society very well. I suffer from a severe anxiety disorder called Agoraphobia that makes my life a living nightmare on the best of days.

Is there hope for you? Well, there was a time in my life where I was a shut-in: Couldn't hold a job, couldn't interact with people, couldn't leave the house, gained 50+ lbs. I was just maybe 21... Now I'm 28, happily married, been at my job for 3 years, lost all the weight, and while I still have trouble interacting with others, I do have my share of "acquaintances" online that serve was friend-substitutions. Eh, I'll always have my difficulties ;)

Point is, life gets better, but I'm afraid only if we strive for it. I can't sit here and say life will ever just "magically" get better on it's own. You have to work for it, and push for it, and sometimes go beyond your comfort zone.

For the record, my husband married me despite all my crazy.. AND -before- I lost all the weight (the aforementioned 50 lbs). Sometimes it's all about finding a person who just accepts you for who you are. However, acceptance should never be used as an excuse not to change: If you want change? You gotta work for it, and it has to be for -you- and no one else.

What -I'm- trying to say though, is Yes, there is hope.

I can't say it will be an easy ride, though. I wish I could. I went through hell and back to get where I am today.




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