well i know this may be a weird palce to ring up mu "problems" but honestly besides my folks all i have is the internet. see i happen to be 20 years old, with no car, no friends and a virgin :( . see i live in a "urban" neigborhood and i could never really relate to the kids around me.... at 15 i broke away from society...i became a "hermit" because of my depression. you see i started going to a suburban school and made tons of friends... even  a few girls where interested in me, but of course being 16 and 17 and having no car was like "ill". i could never find a job because of transportation issues... i had one at 16 but was fired 4 months later for not being able to show up to work. i tried city buses but in detroit and being white was a problem to some peole.... i was shot and stabbed once... and decided to never catch a bus in the city again... even though i live in the city. i have never dated, and that makes me fell... well like crap... sometimes even suicidal. see basically i have NO LIFE. see i want to go to a school for either nursing/nurse assistant or pharmacy tech... i mean the schools around here for those things are really inexpensive. but getting a ride from my folks to post school/high school seems way to inberesing for me. plus i really want to u know... get in the sheets finally... but who would want to date a guy in my situation.... i've benn on so many different med's i've gained 105 pounds!!! plus school i go to has to be in subrbia, at least they'll understand that i like metal and rockabilly... and dress like a greaser lol, well some of them anyway... what im trying to say is ther any hope for me... and be honest for real.


sorry for my mispellings im very very sorry

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Hi Michael :)

I'm sorry you've had some tough breaks in life. Myself, I've been a hermit for a long time because I've never been able to "fit in" to society very well. I suffer from a severe anxiety disorder called Agoraphobia that makes my life a living nightmare on the best of days.

Is there hope for you? Well, there was a time in my life where I was a shut-in: Couldn't hold a job, couldn't interact with people, couldn't leave the house, gained 50+ lbs. I was just maybe 21... Now I'm 28, happily married, been at my job for 3 years, lost all the weight, and while I still have trouble interacting with others, I do have my share of "acquaintances" online that serve was friend-substitutions. Eh, I'll always have my difficulties ;)

Point is, life gets better, but I'm afraid only if we strive for it. I can't sit here and say life will ever just "magically" get better on it's own. You have to work for it, and push for it, and sometimes go beyond your comfort zone.

For the record, my husband married me despite all my crazy.. AND -before- I lost all the weight (the aforementioned 50 lbs). Sometimes it's all about finding a person who just accepts you for who you are. However, acceptance should never be used as an excuse not to change: If you want change? You gotta work for it, and it has to be for -you- and no one else.

What -I'm- trying to say though, is Yes, there is hope.

I can't say it will be an easy ride, though. I wish I could. I went through hell and back to get where I am today.
All of the advice here should be extremely helpful to you, but I'd like to just echo one little bit that's kept me afloat since high school: self-confidence. I was a lifeless virgin throughout high school only because I didn't have any faith in myself. Sure, I did have friends in the theater department and some hangers-on in the school courtyard, but most of those people were just more of me. Later on, I come to find out that there were several very attractive girls who would have totally dated me if I had only been more self-confident and accessible (and a little less of an asshole, but that was part of the self-confidence problem).

Now, I'm not from Detroit. Far from it. I grew up in Florida and South Carolina, so I don't know much about the hood sensibility. However, I can say that any girl worth her salt shaker will go for a guy who is confident. You can be normal, you can be weird, you can be downright bizarre, but as long as you don't apologize for your traits, you're fine. So what if you get rides from your parents? Your parents are cool like that, and gas prices suck anyway.

Here's the two words I live by, two words that keep me afloat socially and mentally: Fuck it.

People don't like you? Fuck it. People think you're out of shape? Fuck it. People think you're stupid? Fuck it. Any and all social problems can be solved by applying those two beautiful words.

Now, is that an easy attitude to develop and keep? Heck no. It took me until mid-way through my first semester of college to really get a solid grip on that attitude. I was 19, I'm 20 now. Once you learn to accept that nothing really matters, you can acquire the cojones to stand up and just say "Fuck it."

Oh, and exercise. Does wonders to sweat a little.
Michael, I also suffered from depression when i was your age and unfortunately didn't get help until I was 30. Don't make that mistake - therapy is a wonderful thing. Until you find a therapist I will give you some things I learned that helped a lot. First of all, when you are part of a family everyone is assigned a role. Maybe you are the favorite, the black sheep, the funny one - it doesn't matter, the point is that everyone plays their roles in order for the family to function as a unit. When you get older you may begin to feel uncomfortable with yourself if that role is not who you really are. It probably isn't since you were given your role as a child. It is hard to have close relationships when you are not being genuine to yourself. So, take the time to look at the role you were given, see if it fits who you are now and if it doesn't, start expressing your true self.
(I know, easier said than done)
Also, don't let the cost keep you from going to school - that's what student loans are for!
Hope this helps
Nah, life's not shit. Sometimes the people in it are shit, but it's best just to ignore those people and hope they go away. Chuck who? ...
Im glad that you were able to share you story and feelings here on Nexus.

I must say that im a bit concerned that you are having suicidial feelings. I would like to suggest that you share these feelings with your medical provider.

This is a great forum for learning and sharing ideas. Please continue to share with us. You are not alone. You are one of us and we love you.


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