I am already struggling trying to put myself back out there, and now that I am in my 30's and am trying to date in that age range- I find that everyone is ready to have babies. I don't want to bear children. In the area I live in it is hard enough to find someone who will accept my atheism (and rare to find a fellow non-theist) and when I throw in the "maybe I would like to adopt older children some day- I don't want to bear my own"... I may have as well announced that I have a highly contagious communicable disease. Am I being unrealistic? Do I need to just give in and date men with children? Why does this all suck so bad?

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Thanks- Good to hear I am not alone. People are beginning to make me question my sanity. I don't like that feeling!!
When you start questioning your sanity, do what I did. Just let it go.
Don't worry, you're not alone, and it happens to men too. I swear women have looked at me like I'm a monster for not wanting a kid. It's the worst when you say, "I don't want children," and they immediately interpret that as, "He doesn't want children NOW."
My friend Dave had that online. He wrote all over his profile and in his answers to the searchable profile questions that he didn't want kids, didn't have kids, had no interst in having kids and yet he STILL got lots of emails and interest from women who had "wants kids" all over their profiles. It drove him nuts that they either couldn't read, or just didn't take him seriously. He also put down atheist with a preference for non-religious girls and still had hits from Christian girls.

I get the same thing. I think it's just that both genders do the "window shopping" bs--I'll get  messages from guys who BLATANTLY in their profile say stuff like "wants 4-7 kids, plans on becoming a pastor soon".


....they clearly did not read a word of my profile.


Then of course, I'll send a message to a guy who has everything in common with me(doesn't want kids, doesn't drink, smoke, is atheist) and I'll even start off the conversation on a common topic in his profile--but I never get a reply.


It's the main reason why I'm not particularly looking right now. I could put all the energy I have into it and all I'll succeed in doing is upsetting myself over how seemingly good guys turn me down due to my weight and how every guy who's interested in me expects me to immediately change my mind and want kids, start going to church, etc.




That's totally happened to me too :)

You know some dating agencies really push the idea of putting an effort into writing a really good profile, so the few times I tried, I really tried to use the CCC of writing and create a good profile, but it's a stream of what must be illiterate people cuz they inevitably have NOT read the profile. Even when they write stuff like: "I liked your profile". So I quit that scene too :)

"I liked your profile(specifically the photo part--which was the only part I saw)."

Yeah, I even "completed" the profile on OKC, and I switch out my photos every few months or so--but I doubt anyone really looks at words or reads them. :(


I call it "window shopping", guys just clicking through local profiles, then messaging women the moment they go 'eh, I could fuck her and she looks like she might fuck me, what the hell, I'll message her!"

MY PROFILE DOES NOT SAY ONE NIGHT STANDS. It says Friends, Long Term Dating--that's it. But unfortunately I don't think the guys looking for one night stands bother to read profiles. They just throw tons of spaghetti at the wall and hope it sticks. <sigh>

Jonel, if it makes you feel any better, men have the same problem.  Most women don't read profiles, either, they just look at pictures. If he's not "hot", she just deletes his message, unread.  

Sadly, humans are visual creatures, and appearance is pretty much everything. 

"Fair" isn't the issue here.  I'm simply disappointed that people are so shallow. It makes it tough for the approximately 85% of us who are of merely average appearance or worse, that we are judged almost solely on traits that we have no control over.

I think another big thing is that human beings are so arrogant to think that they can change their mates. Of course we all make compromises and changes when we are in a relationship, that's just the reality of the situation. But life altering decisions like having children is something that shouldn't be changed on a whim or at the will of another person. 

Yep! most of humanity are foolish blind optimists instead of being realists, and fresh atheists are not immune to this syndrome!


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