I am already struggling trying to put myself back out there, and now that I am in my 30's and am trying to date in that age range- I find that everyone is ready to have babies. I don't want to bear children. In the area I live in it is hard enough to find someone who will accept my atheism (and rare to find a fellow non-theist) and when I throw in the "maybe I would like to adopt older children some day- I don't want to bear my own"... I may have as well announced that I have a highly contagious communicable disease. Am I being unrealistic? Do I need to just give in and date men with children? Why does this all suck so bad?

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Being one, I know there are men who do not want children exist.  I'm guessing people of both sexes who do not want children are even rarer than Atheists.  For me meeting a single, childless woman who is at least not a big church goer would be such a statistical anomaly I don't even entertain the idea any more. 

I've also found that 'wanting' to be childless is the only worse character flaw in society than being atheist, in Canada for sure. I've received much more flack for not ooing and awing over babies than about non belief :(

100% agree, TNT666. They bash you so much that I sometimes think there might be something wrong with not wanting to reproduce. HAHAHA. Then I come to my senses.

Ah, people bash others for all kinds of reasons.  I regularly get criticized for WANTING children.  Almost always by women who themselves already have kids.  Talk about hypocrisy!

I agree.  Worse than suggesting that we keep religion and government separate is suggesting parents not bring screaming kids to high end restaurants.  Don't even think of telling people to stop raising my property taxes to pay for their kids high school football stadiums.  

You know, it's amazing to me how much variation there is in this country from one area to another.  

For instance, I have just about the opposite problem; I'm finding it difficult to find women who DO want children. 

Of course, part of this issue is age-related. Most women who want families don't tend to wait around, then get busy and have them early on.  So by the mid 30s or so, what I encounter is mostly either women who are done with having children, or those who never wanted any. 

Karl, my sincere advice would be to move to Seattle. About 60% of the single 30-something women here have no interest in children.  And, according to a recent study, the percentage of atheists here is over 1 in 4.

Sorry, to the women here: I can't say for sure if the same is true about the guys.  But at least you'll have plenty to pick from; this area has the highest man-to-woman ratio among singles of anywhere is the continental US!

Michael, Thanks for the advice.  Perhaps we could just swap careers and homes.  I love the Seattle area.  I used to travel out there a good deal.  Leesburg has lots of women lookin to breed but a bunch of bible thumpers too.     

I feel the same as you. I also dont want to have kids. This world is way too over populated and its hard enough to take care of yourself , let alone a kid.


Anna, are you being unrealistic? NO! You have reasons, though you haven't shared them.

I left Catholicism not wanting children. My #1 reason was that I didn't want to do to another set of children what my dad had done to his. My #2 and #3 reasons were that I didn't want to work as hard as he had, and the world didn't need any more people.

I was in college until I was 30 and figured I might meet a woman with children. Instead, I met a woman who also didn't want children. Her reason was that her parents had died in an auto accident and she'd been sent to an orphanage. A married couple adopted her, and her adoptive father died in an auto accident. Her adoptive mother remarried, and these were the parents I met. She never said so, but I figured she didn't want to risk subjecting any children to an experience like hers.

After seven years and some counseling we agreed to divorce. We both joined the same singles club and talked from time to time. A few months later I met a woman with four children. I learned from her that non-violence can work in families, which changed my attitude for the better. Work-related events intervened and I moved away (to San Francisco!!!!!) before we became serious.

I'm eighty, with no children, and have had a life too exciting to have any regrets. I feel good that I don't have kids who have to live in the world, and have to pay off the MASSIVE debt, my generation is leaving them.

Thirty years after our divorce, about eight years ago, my ex-wife and I met by phone and talked for an hour. We were both doing okay then, and I'm doing okay now. Be kindest of all to yourself.

Joining this discussion rather late, but here goes....

It has already been pointed out that in North America, atheism is rare, and desire for permanent childlessness is rare, whence unless the two strongly correlate, the "double minority" is tremendously rare.  At the same time, both men and women are chiming in as self-identified members of this double-minority.  So the challenges becomes, how do the rare specimens meet?

I was very fortunate... for a while.  My then-girlfriend had no desire to have children.  We married with the understanding that there would be no children.  I went to see the urologist to make certain that there would be no children.  For several years, my wife was thrilled... and then this past autumn, she suddenly announced that she craves having a child... and must therefore divorce me in order to meet another man, who would give her children.

So you see, the "not wanting kids for a while" syndrome affects both men and women. 

Now where was that dating website for vasectomized atheists?

No kids here.  Breeders generally suck.  

Hear Hear! Sounds like you might enjoy the conversations at The Childless and Godless!


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