I am already struggling trying to put myself back out there, and now that I am in my 30's and am trying to date in that age range- I find that everyone is ready to have babies. I don't want to bear children. In the area I live in it is hard enough to find someone who will accept my atheism (and rare to find a fellow non-theist) and when I throw in the "maybe I would like to adopt older children some day- I don't want to bear my own"... I may have as well announced that I have a highly contagious communicable disease. Am I being unrealistic? Do I need to just give in and date men with children? Why does this all suck so bad?

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I do not want or have children. I'm convinced there are already more than twice as many people on this planet as it can optimally support. I think having children is one of the most irresponsible thing I could possibly do at this point. I may adopt some day, but I don't think I'll ever have my own.
Cudos :)
I'm convinced there are already more than twice as many people on this planet as it can optimally support.

More Cudos. I feel my greatest gift to this planet is not burdening it with one more human mouth to feed.
I'm not anti-kid or anything, but I once overheard someone say that if a couple waits longer than 3 years after marriage to have children, they're just selfish.

That's the kind of completely backwards crap that exists around here. I don't know that I could call someone selfish to want kids, but to tell people it's some sort of imperative is AWFUL. And on top of it, to have only one is pitiful. You have to have a barn-full of kids. I'm the youngest of 7 children. My mother is the oldest of 11 children. I now have a shitload of cousins.

Overpopulation isn't the only issue. Few parents seem to be able to handle that many children. Any trip to the grocery store will tell you that. My mom could, and she loved it. She missed out on a lot of her own dreams though.
That really is disturbing to me...our planet can not support this kind of overpopulation. To have that many kids of your own does actually seem selfish to me, when there are so many kids without parents to take care of them. I feel like if I ever have kids I will almost definitely want to adopt. I'm not sure I really even want that though. Obviously, I am not ready for that at this point in my life, but I can see how I might decide to later on.
Keep in mind that we'll probably get some new Black Plague 2.0. :P
Overpopulation is certainly a fear, but it's not the end-all for me. Human resource is remarkable.

Adoption is under-rated. My mom keeps trying to get us to have children. Maybe someday. Maybe. A long, long time from now. And I always suggest that since she's empty-nesting, why not adopt? She always has some excuse not to. And I think my father would die on the spot.
I am not sure what you mean by "You have to have a barn-full of kids." If you don't think of overpopulation as a problem, remember that population pressure isn't about how many people there are--it's about consumption of resources and production of wastes. It's hard to have lots of people without destroying the rainforests. It's hard to have lots of people without overfishing the oceans. It's hard to have lots of people without producing lots of pollution. And so on. And while a high rate of population growth isn't much of a problem if the population is very small, even a small rate of population growth is a huge problem if the population is very big. I suggest the book Laws of the Game, by Manfred Eigen and Ruthild Winkler. If you think kids shouldn't grow up alone--and by the way, recent research shows that only children aren't psychologically harmed by being only children--then perhaps you should advocate professional parenting, in which a relative few who are really well-suited to the job do the childrearing while the rest of us, including the biological parents, do not. Then there could be few kids but all of them could grow up in big "families." (But good luck popularizing that idea. And good luck getting past children's biological imperatives to be with their mothers.)
I've often daydreamed about that option, unfortunately it would mean "choosing" a set of standards, and that choice would be impossible.

In addition, any set of "reproductive standards" would be bound to select for a limited number of genetic traits, causing a narrowing of humanity's genetic makeup, which is also undesirable.

the only way out is a permit system WITHOUT standards, like a lottery system. Every year a certain number of people from a "pool" of applicants get to have baby permits. They can produce, others abstain.
You are on the mark. It took me years to discover a recovering Catholic, but she has grown kids and, quite frankly, they are a pain in the butt. Stay the course and keep your vision of life. Yes it is hard enough to claim yourself as a nondeist, but not wanting kids seems to be more anti-American than being an Obama socialist. Remember, you are right and that is all there is to it.
Thank You for keeping me sane everyone.. Sometimes I feel I am the only one in the entire world that has these types of views.....Then I visit the Nexus and then I dont feel so alone:)
There certainly are some men that don't want children, but admittedly they are rare. 98.5% of men choose to have children, so you are fighting an uphill battle against human nature.

You might consider two possible options. One is to date older men, who may have given up on the idea of having kids. A second possibility is to date men whose kids are already grown and out of the house, which is almost like not having them.
You're so very pragmatic :)




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