At Mihai's suggestion.

Please do not post links to some giant page full of expressions. This is audience participation, and links (or entire webpages copied-and-pasted) just kill the conversation.

I'll go first with some expressions for female masturbation.

Jilling off.
Feeding the bearded clam.
Pearl fishing.

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Let your fingers do the walking.
I didn't read every post but I'm guessing SOMEBODY must've posted it, however, it won't hurt to say it one more time, "sel-abuse"!!
3 man show
A big date with Rosy Palms
A date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 slut daughters
Abusing the wicked stick
Accosting the Oscar Meyer
Addressing MrPalmer
Adjusting the antenna
Adjusting your set
Aiding and abetting a known felon
Answer the bone-a-phone
Applying the hand brake
Appropriate the means
Arguing with Henry Longfellow
Arm aerobics
Arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
Arm-wrestling the purple-headed stormtrooper
Asking for a second opinion (your second head)
Assault on a friendly weapon
Attack the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
Attending to the throb knob needs
Auditioning the hand puppet
Backstroke roulette
Badgering the witness
Baiting your hook
Ball off
Ball slappin' fun
Bangin' your bacon
Banging one out
Banging the Cyclops
Barking up the wrong tree
Bash the bishop
Bash the candle
Bashing the Bishop
Bashing the pear
Basting the ham
Batting practice
Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger
Battling the purple-helmet warrior
Be your own best friend
Beat off
Beat Pete
Beat the Bishop
Beat the Bologna
Beat the Butter
Beat the Dummy
Beat the Meat
Beat the Stick
Beat up your date
Beat your hog
Beat your meat like it owes you money
Beatin' Bobby
Beating Bob and the twins
Beating Jack
Beating off
Beating the bait
Beating the balloon
Beating the balogna
Beating the beagle
Beating the bed flute
Beating the bishop
Beating the dummy
Beating the fuck out of your best friend
Beating the goat
Beating the old man
Beating the pud
Beating the shit out of your incapacitated midget
Beating the snake
Beating the snotty end of my fuck stick
Beating the stick
Beating your meat
Beef tips stroking off
Beef-stroke-it-off
Being a virtuoso of the skin flute
Being rough with the sex stick
Being your own best friend
Belaboring the obvious
Belt your hog
Bequeath your genes
Beta testing your hardware
Biffing off
Bitch-Slapping the Dark Knight
Blanket drill, The
Bleed the lizard
Bleed the weed
Blessing the alter boy
Bloating the vein
Blow Your load
Blow your own horn
Bludgeon the beefsteak
Blueball baseball
Blue-ball buster
Bob the hog
Bombing the German helmut
Bonging your shlong
Booting up the hard drive
Bop the boa
Bop the bonzo
Bop the hog
Bopping Richard
Bopping the bishop
Bopping the Bonzo
Bouncing the bunny
Box the Jesuit
Box with Richard
Boxin the Ballsack
Boxin' the Bozak
Boxing Oscar
Boxing Oscar in the closet
Boxing the bald champ
Boxing the clown
Boxing the Jesuit
Boxing the Jesuit and getting cockroaches
Boxing the one-eyed clown
Boxing the trouser mouse
Boxing with Richard
Break one off
Burping private ryan
Breaking the fish tank
Bringing MrWeasel back from the dead
Brushing up on your typing skills
Buck the bone
Buckin' it
Buff the banana
Buff the mushroom
Buff the wood
Buffin' the bishop
Buffing my wand
Buffing the rifle
Buffing your nuts
Bugger your hand
Buggering your hand
Building upper-body strength
Bunning your hot dog
Burning off a few calories
Burp the baby
Burp the baldman
Burp the worm
Bust a nut
Butter the corn
Cajun clown fucking
Calling all cum
Calling down for more mayo
Calling genie
Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis
Calling in the secret service
Caning the vandal
Caping the crusader
Capturing the bishop
Carrying weight
Cast off
Caulking the cracks in the bathroom tile
Chafing the weasel
Changing your oil
Charge the rod
Charging the Inertial Dampeners
Charging up the main gun
Charm the cobra
Charm the serpent/snake
Charming the cobra
Charming the one-eyed trouser snake
Cheap date
Cheating on your other hand
Check for testicular cancer
Checking for testicular cancer
Checking the plumbing
Cheese off
Chicken milking
Chilling the dill
Chipping wood
Choke Charlie 'till he chunders
Choke Kojak
Choke the bishop
Choke the chicken
Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
Choking Charlie 'till he throws up
Choking the bald guy until he pukes
Choking the chicken
Choking the hog
Choking the pirate
Choking up on the bat
Choking your chicken
Choking yourself into emission
Chong your schlong
Chopping down
Chucking the yogurt
Churning butter
Civil War
Clamp the pipe
Clean your pipes
Clean Your Rifle
Cleaning out the rope
Cleaning out your account
Cleaning the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the Cyclops
Clear the snorkel
Climb the tree
Climbing Mount Baldy
Climbing Mt. Barbell (for guys with pierced dicks)
Climbing the corporate ladder
Clobbering the bad guy
Clobbering the Kleenex
................. A bit too much time on my hands I suppose
Will you both be here all week?
ROFLMFAO! I think I love this thread......hehehehehehe........oh dayum!
There used to (or may still be) a marital aids store entitled "Grand Opening".
Hand Job Joke

An old crusty biker on a summer ride in the country walks into a tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
HANDJOB: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a group of local farmers.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "Can I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the biker, "are you the young lady who gives the hand-jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

The old biker replies, "Well wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
Ha! Good one.
LOL!
(male/female)Rubbing Vesuvius!
And once again, this discussion erupts with activity!
Flying Solo
Rubbing the Rudder


BTW, doesn't the word masturbation come from Latin, meaning to rape oneself?

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