At Mihai's suggestion.

Please do not post links to some giant page full of expressions. This is audience participation, and links (or entire webpages copied-and-pasted) just kill the conversation.

I'll go first with some expressions for female masturbation.

Jilling off.
Feeding the bearded clam.
Pearl fishing.

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For an encore, I think you should do an interpretive dance and post the YouTube video here.
"Let's be honest. What we call it is irrelevant. We should just keep doing it and not worry about its name."

If you don't have the time to think of a euphemism for it, it is because you are doing it too much!
I think "taking matters into your own hands" is the best.

I remember a list of rhymes though:
hone the bone
prod the rod
tickle the pickle
rub the club
bump the stump
slam the clam
stuff the muff
hit the clit
indulge the bulge
throttle the bottle
handle the candle
oh yes, and "getting a buzz" is my word for using the vibrator. It seems much more appropriate for that than for getting drunk.

OK, Howard wins.
I am the Master blogger. lol.
I think it's the other way around.
Wait. Mastermasturbator? Roger, Roger.
playing tug-o-war with cyclops
What, has no one mentioned fapping? This is the ultimate euphemism, and should replace the real word...
playing peek-a-boo with mr. johnson


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