At Mihai's suggestion.

Please do not post links to some giant page full of expressions. This is audience participation, and links (or entire webpages copied-and-pasted) just kill the conversation.

I'll go first with some expressions for female masturbation.

Jilling off.
Feeding the bearded clam.
Pearl fishing.

Tags: euphemisms for masturbation, masturbation, self-gratification

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"Tickle the kayakman!"

This is excellent! Never heard it before.
As a kayaker I have to approve of this one, especially if I am saying it to someone else. But that wouldn't be masturbation... on second thought, that is probably EXACTLY what it would lead to if I used that line on someone else.
Is that a variation on going on a date with Palm and her five sisters?
I would think so, yes.
I've heard it as "going on a date with Rosie Palms and her five sisters."
Heh. Wouldn't that be "her ten sisters"?
I've used, "How was your date with Palmela Handerson last night???"
Very punny!
Oh, wait... I wasn't paying attention. Yes, probably five. Never mind.
For not reading the directions, I'm sternly shaking my finger at you.
It is now!


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