(A Final Exam From The Enforcer & friends (Astronomy, Art, Computer Science, Geography, & Religious Studies: Added by Ed T. Toton III '95)


Read each question carefully. Answer all questions.

Time Limit: Four hours. Begin immediately.

HISTORY: Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to the present
day, concentrating especially but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.

GEOGRAPHY: Predict the position of the tectonic plates as they will appear
two billion years from now. Be prepared to prove your results.

MEDICINE: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze and a
bottle of whisky. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.

BIOLOGY: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture
if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.

ART: Give an objective analysis of the relative significance and quality of
the works of the major artists of the past three millennia. Be specific, and prove your analysis with detailed examples.

MUSIC: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

PSYCHOLOGY: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional
stability, degree of adjustment and repressed frustrations of each of the following:

o Alexander of Aphrodisias
o Ramses II
o Gregory of Nicea
o Hammurabi

Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

SOCIOLOGY: Estimate the sociological problems that might accompany the end
of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

COMPUTER SCIENCE: Write a program that will end world hunger and homelessness. You may use the computer console next to you, however use of a modem or any other communications device is prohibited, as is the use of electricity.

ENGINEERING: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

PHYSICS: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation
of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

ASTRONOMY: Create a miniature stellar fusion reaction, and describe in detail the effects of close-range stellar radiation on human flesh.

POLITICAL SCIENCE: There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start
World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.

EPISTEMOLOGY: Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of
your position.

RELIGIOUS STUDIES: Prove or disprove the existence of God, without the use
of religious texts over a century old. Be specific, and include a discussion on the possible true meanings and uses for the Tetragrammaton. Also be prepared to show how your proof relates to the US national debt and the Watergate scandal.

ECONOMICS: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the US national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas:

o Cubism
o the Donatist controversy
o the wave theory of light

Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.

PHILOSOPHY: Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

EXTRA CREDIT: Define the Universe; give three examples.

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GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

I think I will need more then the four hour time limit to achieve this one.

Plus can I use my bloody appendix to distract the tiger, by say throwing in the direction of another participant, or is that against the rules?
Be prepared to justify your decision.
...plus Sarah Doliani's comment = Major lolgasm.
JayBarti's comment plus....
That's no excuse! You'll just have to make your own!

Kids these days... expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter.
Teacher! That nasty gal next to me spilled ink all over my Swahili instruction manual while stealing keys from my piano!
Teacher! I have a question.

Is three greater than or less than green?
Nope. And a better question might be: Is three greater than or less than RED? Bear with me on this..

When I was an auditor, I saw pretty much everything as numbers, and would often dream them. Certain numbers had certain color. Three for me has always been RED. Many years later I heard a term called synesthesia, and though I'm not a synesthete, check out what they see!


I know, sometimes you can't even tell a joke around here w/o some geek rationalizing it. :-)
So, by your diagram here, 3 actually is less than green because 4 is green, making 3 red.... hehehehe
You're right! Glad it wasn't on the test! (Besides, I always saw 9 as black.) But it was never the colors that impressed me, it was the fact that I could describe people's full personalities as a series of numbers. Then again it's nothing a good tab of LSD couldn't duplicate.
I have a feeling a sentient Bristlecone Pine would be above all this.
So what does the number 352 taste like?




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