Last week I missed an opportunity to ask two extreme xians that question.

One of them was nearing his hundredth birthday and was physically frail. I would ignore him but he told me I was certain to take up residence in his lake of fire.

The other was younger than I and strong enough to be running for election to a minor office. He agreed about my future residence and will get no mercy from me.

If you've asked, what kind of response did you get?

Mark Twain's satirical Letters From The Earth started me to thinking of asking.

In the letters Satan tells Michael and Gabriel that despite the enormous amounts of energy God's favorite creatures devote to sex while on earth, there's none in Heaven.

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For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.
-- Matthew 22:30

This strikes me as meaning one of two things: either there's all sorts of fornication going on without benefit of legal (Legal?!?  Just what constitutes "legal" in heaven???) sanction or that we all LOSE our sexuality in the afterlife.  I seem to recall reading somewhere that angels are asexual, and if we are to be "as the angels of God," then goodbye, nooky!

One more reason to disregard any form of biblical crap.

Apparently people who win entrance to the Christian heaven lose their sexuality, lose their curiosity, lose their desire to exercise skills and intelligence, lose everything to become eternal sycophants -- singers and harpists and yes-men forever and ever.

When I saw the title of your discussion in Latest Activity, I immediately thought of Letters From the Earth as well! Satan, temporarily banished from the angelic realm, observes with great interest the experiments of "Earth" and of human beings and writes privately to his archangel friends. In particular, there's this in Letter II about the unimaginably bizarre concept of heaven that humans invented for themselves:

... he has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights, the one ecstasy that stands first and foremost in the heart of every individual of his race -- and of ours -- sexual intercourse!

It is as if a lost and perishing person in a roasting desert should be told by a rescuer he might choose and have all longed-for things but one, and he should elect to leave out water!

... the human being, like the immortals, naturally places sexual intercourse far and away above all other joys -- yet he has left it out of his heaven! The very thought of it excites him; opportunity sets him wild; in this state he will risk life, reputation, everything -- even his queer heaven itself -- to make good that opportunity and ride it to the overwhelming climax. From youth to middle age all men and all women prize copulation above all other pleasures combined, yet it is actually as I have said: it is not in their heaven; prayer takes its place.

And more: (heavily snipped; ellipses mine)

His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values. It consists -- utterly and entirely -- of diversions which he cares next to nothing about, here in the earth, yet is quite sure he will like them in heaven. Isn't it curious? Isn't it interesting? You must not think I am exaggerating, for it is not so. I will give you details.

Most men do not sing, most men cannot sing, most men will not stay when others are singing if it be continued more than two hours. Note that.

Only about two men in a hundred can play upon a musical instrument, and not four in a hundred have any wish to learn how. Set that down.

Many men pray, not many of them like to do it. A few pray long, the others make a short cut.

More men go to church than want to....

All nations look down upon all other nations.

All nations dislike all other nations....

Further. All sane people detest noise.

All people, sane or insane, like to have variety in their life. Monotony quickly wearies them.

Every man, according to the mental equipment that has fallen to his share, exercises his intellect constantly, ceaselessly, and this exercise makes up a vast and valued and essential part of his life. The lowest intellect, like the highest, possesses a skill of some kind and takes a keen pleasure in testing it, proving it, perfecting it. The urchin who is his comrade's superior in games is as diligent and as enthusiastic in his practice as are the sculptor, the painter, the pianist, the mathematician and the rest. Not one of them could be happy if his talent were put under an interdict.

... In man's heaven everybody sings! The man who did not sing on earth sings there... Meantime, every person is playing on a harp... Consider the deafening hurricane of sound... is it hideous, is it odious, is it horrible?

Consider further: it is a praise service... Do you ask who it is that is willing to endure... this insane compliment; and who... likes it, enjoys it, requires it, commands it? Hold your breath!

It is God! This race's god, I mean... It is easy to see that the inventor of the heavens did not originate the idea, but copied it from the show-ceremonies of some sorry little sovereign State up in the back settlements of the Orient somewhere.

There's this classic from The Far Side:

Welcome to heaven... Here's your harp. / Welcome to hell... Here's your accordion.

Though some of us look forward to gatherings like the Northeast Squeeze-In as a bit of heaven for a weekend!

(Photo by Stewart Dean, (C) 2015,

And Nancy Lebovitz has a riff on Gary Larson's cartoon in her catalog of calligraphic buttons:

Welcome to heaven.
Here's your harp
and your tuning key.

Welcome to hell.
Here's your harp.

Gary Larson was wrong.

This doesn't look like hell, nope, not one bit:

(Click through to get full-size images at Flickr. Photos (C) 2015 Stewart Dean, .)

Actually this is an old debate going back to St Augustine. Some say yes, some say no, some say yes but it will be different without physical bodies. 

Funny, you can't get a straight answer from religion.

If the two afterlife destinations were real, hell would probably be more comfortable and a LOT more fun. And with much better company!

The stories of eternal torment could well be lies by the same character who lied about the consequences of eating from the Tree of Knowledge. (And didn't bother to redact the evidence from the very scripture that he supposedly wrote or inspired.) Living over 900 years, and begetting sons and daughters, isn't anything like "in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die"!

In my lifetime of talk and sermons on this subject, they make it very plain that there is no sex in heaven. To ease you as they say that, there is no desire and not even any sex organs. (Yes, God wanted your foreskin at one time and now he takes the whole thing.) You will be "as the angels in heaven." Matt. 22:30   If this is supposedly true as I'm stating here then angels have no sex organs and maybe no belly buttons, for they were not born.

If there is a resurrection then all of you is not resurrected. Men have no pole and a woman has no hole. Yet, the Bible states that angels can eat food or not eat food. No sex organs but they can still deficate? If not, then we know why heavenly creatures are so angry.

Now we move into the idea that you will have no body in heaven. Many have believed this for a long time because you are "spiritual" then. WTF is this? Churches today are treaching this same thing about your "soul" going to heaven, etc. but the Bible plainly teaches about "graves being opened and the resurrection of the body." It was this bodily resurrection that caused everyone to want burial in the last 2000 years and the funeral parlors all got rich.

As you can see by my comedic writing here, religion is all screwed up and needs to clarify many things. The Bible itself is impossible and it doesn't phase the true believer. They just make more stuff up.

Even though what I have written here has been taught over and over again, we have it in Genesis that angels came down from heaven and fathered children with the daughters of men.

It's just a little more proof that these 66 books we call the Bible were never meant to be all bound together. That's where all the mistakes come in and it makes it all nonsense.

Yes, but how did they have sex without any sex organs? Somewhere in the BS teaching of churches we have to be told that male angels have a penis just to pee out of. Some says they have none at all because in heaven there is no marriage and no male or female. This contradicts the Genesis account. Other fundies still insist that the original sin involved sex in some way , and that's how "you are concieved in sin."

It's no wonder that a lot of the fundy teens get pregnant. Parents will not teach about sex and it's so confusing in the bible. Then you have the concept that everybody has sex and that's how we get here, plus the fact that Jesus will forgive you anyway.

Why doesn't somebody wake up and teach aout condoms?

Well, for starters: How come gawd is male?

I know the answer to this, but it pre-dates Judaism, as prior to Judaism, YHVH had a wife named Asherah, and was one of several gods of the nomadic herders of Canaan (now called the Bedouin) before in the 7th Century BCE where Josiah made the people in the Jordan hills drop all their gods, except YHVH and that included his wife.  That  was the origin of Judaism and thus the Israelites.  

Thus, gawd was left with genitals and nobody to use them with.  

Poor sod.  :-D~

Sex after passing through the pearly gates is supposed to be Heavenly.  :-D~


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