So first of all, I guess I'd better start with the formalities. I'm from Queensland, Australia. I don't tell people my exact whereabouts in Queensland for safety reasons - you know, death penalty for apostasy from Islam and all of that lovely stuff. I am a young woman of 18-years-old. Yeah, I know... Young... But don't judge me based on age!

In a nutshell, I converted to Islam after being attracted to it while living in Indonesia with my step-father for a while. I was Muslim for almost 2 years (since I was 16-years-old) and within that time, I acquired a great deal of Islamic knowledge. I agreed with everything in the Qur'an, I prayed 5 times a day, I fasted from sunrise to sunset during Ramadan and also non-obligatory fasts 2 days a week. I wore a hijab (headscarf), and was very strict with my clothing... Nothing I wore was allowed to show any curve on my body whatsoever. I was strongly connected to Allah - so much that I would talk to him every night before I went to sleep. Every good deed I did was for Allah, and everything else I did was with fear of Allah's punishment if I did something wrong.

Early in my 2 years as a Muslim, I started doing my own form of "dawah" (propagating Islam) on Youtube. I became quite well-known on there as "KimDonesia", and I even went on the radio in Turkey, went on TV in the Middle East during Ramadan and did interviews for Islamic magazines. I constantly received praise, and nobody ever came to me with doubts of whether I was a Muslim. I'd like to add that when I publicly left Islam, the Muslims turned to their most common logical fallacy in justifying my apostasy - "No True Scotsman" fallacy (e.g. "You were never a real Muslim, so that's why you left Islam. No true Muslim could ever leave."). It's funny that these claims were never made when I was a Muslim.

Anyway, about a month ago on my 18th birthday, my beloved canine family member and companion passed away. Beauty was a dog that my family had in our lives for 14 years, so her death struck us all. We were devasted, though convinced ourselves that she was no longer in pain (she had liver cancer and had to be euthanized) and that she had gone to a "better place". The death of my dog sent me into a depression which lasted for more than a week.

Contrary to the popular belief of Muslims mocking me and degrading the value of my dog's life by saying I left Islam for a mere dog, it wasn't the death of Beauty that caused me to leave Islam, though she was the contributor to my constant thinking about death. She caused me to realize that we will all die someday, which resulted in my fear for my non-Muslim family. You see, the Qur'an teaches that all of the non-believers who were exposed to Islam at some point in their worldly life - yet still reject it - will go to Hell for eternity and will be shown no mercy. I was terrified for my family and tried to think of ways to bring them to Islam.

My depression was cured when I confessed my fears to my mother. Mum knew that what I was depressed about had something to do with my choices about religion, however she waited for me to come to her rather than make assumptions. I cried to her and admitted out loud, for the first time, that my perception of God was different than the angry, sadistic dictator in the Qur'an. No matter how much Muslims try to sugar-coat Allah's personality as shown in the Qur'an, I started to see right through it.

I explained to Mum that it is simply not logical that an omniscient God would create the human race just so that the majority of them would be sentenced to infinite punishment for finite actions. Mind you, the main action to grant one Hell would be to not believe in God. I decided with my mother that I wanted to leave Islam, however I still wanted to believe in God - I just wanted to detach myself from organized religion.

However, I later realized that I was simply following Pascal's Wager, meaning I was believing in God just in case there really was one and belief in God was the only thing that could get me a place in Heaven if there was one. I realized that the existence of a God is illogical. The day that God comes to me and shows me that he exists, I will believe in him. For now, as there is simply no evidence that a God exists, I will continue to not believe in God.

I have been reading The God Delusion and might I say, Richard Dawkins is a complete genius. With this book, any lingering desire in my mind to believe in a God has been completely pushed out. I now understand that belief in God is a delusion, and we as human beings can live a more fulfilling life without religion or God for that matter. We need to make the most of the only life we'll get, rather than spend it worshiping and fearing a supernatural being that probably doesn't even exist.

I do admit that I am rather proud of myself as it took a lot of strength to leave Islam and lose my beliefs in an imaginary sky friend. I based my entire life around Islam and when I apostated, I no longer knew how to live without religion. It took time, but I'm fine and completely happy now. Furthermore, I am proud of my bravery to "come out" in public on Youtube as a new non-Muslim. If you search for "KimDonesia left Islam", you will find mirrors of the apostasy video I uploaded. Bear in mind that at that time I was still following Pascal's Wager and hadn't completed my journey to being an Atheist.

Since I have left Islam publicly, most of the online Muslim community has been brutal. I have received a few death threats and wishes of AIDs upon me, ad hominem attacks left right and centre, assumptions that are logically fallacious, and ridicule for my decision to leave Islam. I do admit it has been difficult and it may get worse as I plan to use my KimDonesia channel now to express my views on religion, etc. However, I take comfort in the fact that they are deluded and their beliefs are laughable therefore nothing they say really matters.

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Are you certain you are only 18?

That's a fair bit of logic and reasoning for one so young. Interesting read, hopefully you do well in your new endeavors.
Yes, I'm only 18-years-old. It's not really about age though, it's about religious experience. My grandparents haven't even had as much religious experience as I have... Actually, I don't think they even know anything about religion.
That is great you were able to break free of the cult called religion.I was in my 20's when I became a non-believer.I was raised Christian.I felt guilt when I first left but had to be honest I didn't believe in the supernatural.I can see 20 years later just how deluded the religion are.All religious books were wrote by men and not a god.I subscribed.It important to let other non-believers know it's ok if you don't believe in gods,devils, ghosts and all those superstitious ideas.I'm so very happy to be a non-believer.
True, I felt guilty too. I feared Hell - it took me a little while to get over that fear.
Thank you, thank you very much. *bows*
No problem! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Maybe other Muslims living with doubt will see your courage and come out also.
They already have been. When I was a Muslim, I was ignorant to how many Muslims leave Islam. When I publicly left Islam, I was so surprised to see all of the ex-Muslims and prospective ex-Muslims popping up all over the place. I was also surprised at how many Muslims would come to me explaining that they, too, have doubts about Islam and wanted to know how I detached myself.

It's beautiful to witness.

Groovy pants.
Thank you! I love my mama! She's an ex-Mormon, was indoctrinated by her ex-husband for about 8 years so she's been through it all.




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