This is one of many things that I handled better when I was younger. When I was in high school, I didn't give a rat's ass what anyone thought of me. After a lot of teasing in grammar school and junior high, I started fighting back--literally fighting back--and the bullies left me alone. Fighting back is not an option now that I'm an adult.
I went to chorus and once again met with some unpleasantness. There are a few people in the chorus who have taken a violent dislike to me. Even though I've put a lot of thought into it, I am not entirely sure why. It could be because they don't like my personality. It could be because they dislike anyone who is smarter or more talented than they are. (Just keeping it real: I have a high IQ and some small talent as a singer.) It could be because I'm an atheist and I don't hide it.
I supply the occasional one-liner for comic relief. In the past, some people didn't like this, but it was OK with the director. I'm not so disruptive that I interfere with learning the music and I've been extra careful not to push the "one-liner" button too often with the new director. 85-90% of the chorus used to laugh at my jokes, including the director. So, I just adopted a "too bad so sad" attitude when the haters treated me with contempt. With the new director, I am not sure where I stand.
When I "came out" as an atheist, a lot of people developed a rabid dislike of me. That has made it harder to figure out if others are being bigots or if I need to learn some important lesson about getting along. Maybe both? I'm so confused. I really need some friends and I don't know what, if anything, I'm doing wrong. I feel like a complete fuck-up. If something needs to be changed, I don't know what it is or how to change it.
I don't know about there being a need for rejection. Sometimes love and flattery can be scary but I don't want to be a reject. But would rather be a reject than act phony to win friends
There's one thing you really need to do, especially when you've had the wrong training in your parents' home. You must give people this message: "You don't have to like me, but you must treat me with respect." Once they decide to treat you decently, it's possible they start to like you.
I don't deal with people like that, I refuse to. Nobody can expect me to suffer their treatment. Recently I cut my two brothers out of my life - again - because after all these years they still want to treat me like an inferior. Cutting them off is the best I can do: I cannot make them think rationally and nothing will shake them. What would "succesfully dealt" be in your opinion? Have them sent to a mental institution?
If you wish to meet with such family members, do everything you can to not be vulnerable to them. e.g. rent a car if visiting, rather than asking for any rides; stay at a hotel rather than with them; perhaps don't even eat food they provide. Don't buy anything from them. If you meet them, try not to be outnumbered; and it would be good to bring someone with you who can protect you physically, and hopefully give emotional support too.
Don't try to relate to abusive family members as if they weren't abusive. With a normal family, they might give you a ride to the airport and you could stay with them, without problems. If it's an abusive family, depending on them in any way will likely be exploited to harm you somehow.
I've had terrible experiences as an adult with people in my family, like my brothers and sister, and I allowed those experiences to happen by wanting to depend on them. I wanted to have a family I could trust, and my brothers and sister weren't the primary abusers. So I would ask for things like a ride to the airport. Once I bought a couple of speakers from my brother. That trust was always exploited to hurt me.
Do you have audios of you singing? I bet people here would love to hear them.
Since you asked: http://ladyhawkslair.com/music/starvicino.mp3
It was recorded live with inferior equipment. XD
You have a very nice voice! Seems like a big voice.
Sometimes too big. XD Both while singing and while talking.
Thanks, Freethinker. It's becoming apparent that I'm no longer welcome in chorus. Yet without it, I have nowhere to socialize.
I really hate living in this town and if I don't get out, it's going to kill me.
Atheist in FundyLand, Very nice voice!
That sounds very good! Thanks.
When you're a stranger in a familiar land, how can you tell dislike of you because you're different and don't have religion, from something that you did wrong according to your own lights?
People's dislike can soak in and become shame and make you want to apologize just for being yourself.
So do you get confused in your own sense of right and wrong because of their dislike?
Are you angry about their dislike, and showing some of it by acting a bit "inappropriate" or something? Well, anger is completely natural in that situation, and nothing to be ashamed of.