This is one of many things that I handled better when I was younger. When I was in high school, I didn't give a rat's ass what anyone thought of me. After a lot of teasing in grammar school and junior high, I started fighting back--literally fighting back--and the bullies left me alone. Fighting back is not an option now that I'm an adult. 

I went to chorus and once again met with some unpleasantness. There are a few people in the chorus who have taken a violent dislike to me. Even though I've put a lot of thought into it, I am not entirely sure why. It could be because they don't like my personality. It could be because they dislike anyone who is smarter or more talented than they are. (Just keeping it real: I have a high IQ and some small talent as a singer.) It could be because I'm an atheist and I don't hide it.

I supply the occasional one-liner for comic relief. In the past, some people didn't like this, but it was OK with the director. I'm not so disruptive that I interfere with learning the music and I've been extra careful not to push the "one-liner" button too often with the new director. 85-90% of the chorus used to laugh at my jokes, including the director. So, I just adopted a "too bad so sad" attitude when the haters treated me with contempt. With the new director, I am not sure where I stand.

When I "came out" as an atheist, a lot of people developed a rabid dislike of me. That has made it harder to figure out if others are being bigots or if I need to learn some important lesson about getting along. Maybe both? I'm so confused. I really need some friends and I don't know what, if anything, I'm doing wrong. I feel like a complete fuck-up. If something needs to be changed, I don't know what it is or how to change it.

Views: 727

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

I am not stuck up, but my mother seems to think I come across that way.

I get the opposite impression from your comments - that you have that female conditioning of disclaiming personal merit and putting yourself down.  Maybe it comes from your mother, maybe it comes from living in Fundyland. 




Update Your Membership :




Nexus on Social Media:


© 2018   Atheist Nexus. All rights reserved. Admin: The Nexus Group.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service