I can relate to this a lot. I was disgusted by the idea of having children from a very young age. I grew up with a lot of children in the home and very little room. Our house was a mess, the kids were messy, my mother was constantly stressed out. I was five years old when I started to wonder why anybody would want this for themselves. Of course not all people with children end up like that, but I see it more often than not.
While playing house with other kids I always refused to play the mother. I wanted to be the child or delivery man--anything but the mom. The funny thing is that I can be very good with kids. But that doesn't mean I want that responsibility all the time. I just do it because I'm not a jerk and I don't want to make life harder on a kid than it already has to be (my childhood was extremely difficult). In fact, there are only a few children who I actually enjoy being around. They are smart, interesting, funny, and have more common sense than most adults. Usually it is because they have seen the world for what it is at a young age. Luckily my nephew happens to be one of these rare kids, but he can still drive me nuts.
The more sheltered a child is the more annoying they tend to be. Unfortunately, most parents would rather turn the T.V. on for their diabetic, lazy, bratty, ADHD child than sit with them and read a book or play outside. These are the same people who get sad when I say that I don't want children. Parenting sure is easy when you don't have to pay attention to your kids, isn't it!?
I also get told that I should be a mom because I know a lot about parenting. Just because I know how to hold an infant and entertain a toddler doesn't mean I like it. I know these things because I've been obligated to help raise children in my family since I was 13 years old. In a way I have been a mom. If I ever had a child I feel that it would completely ruin my life. I get no pleasure from the idea of pregnancy and dedicating my life to someone who I might not even like. It's less selfish of me to not have children.
I also don't see why adoption can't be just as "magical" or "meaningful" as having a biological child. You're actually doing the world a service by adopting, unlike if you were to breed. Adopting seems a lot more fulfilling. But that's still not even a consideration for me.
I never really gave it any thought until I was in the military and married for the first and last time :)
I think I was about 23 at the time and she wanted to have one but I took the necessary steps on my end to prevent that.
Some people say it doesn't always work, well it did for me :)
Also it was just reconfirmed by a trip to my local Wal-Mart, theres nothing like being able to shop in peace without some grubby finger little kid grabbing at everything because all they do is take, take, take! Vasectomy here I come!!
Now my dad keeps saying to me "so I have a granddaughter, now I need a grandson someone to carry on the name" I usually just say "yeah I'm don't think I'm gonna be having any kids, it's just not for me", my mom on the other hand is cool with it.
I don't think there was ever a time when I wanted children. As early as elementary school I recognized that there was something wrong with the Family System. I recognized that my mother just did it because she wanted to have an adult identity and wanted to be able to remain in denial about her own parents. I recognized that my father was doing essentially the same thing. He was controlled by his mother. My mother picked him because he was wired up that way.
Now yes, I have done very badly in making a life of my own. I've been very poor in finding allies and making alternatives. And there are reasons I need to keep the details of my life concealed.
But now its not so much about not wanting kids. That's kind of a given. Rather I want to strike back against the family system.
Can't remember the exact age, but I was pretty young when I announced that I'm never getting married and never having kids. I dunno, maybe 10 or 11? Of course, nobody took me seriously, because ALL girls want to get married and have children. But the years went by, and I am 47 now with no husband and no kids, so evidently I was pretty damn serious! While I MIGHT change my mind on the getting married bit, it's a bit late to change my mind about having kids.
And I still don't want them. Never did, never will. Got no use for them, they're expensive, messy, noisy, and I find them generally annoying.The process of being pregnant and giving birth never appealed to me in the slightest. I had loads of plushie animals as a child, but very few dolls, and my mother ended up giving them away because I never played with them. I went through a very brief Barbie phase, but preferred my plastic dinosaurs! I loved our cats, but was not attracted to cooing babies like other little girls seemed to be. So even as a very young child, I had no mothering instinct at all.
I wasn't into dolls and plushy animals, but I did have a super tanned Barbie, for whom I used to make clothes out of miniature patterns with my mom's old sewing machine. When I got tired of sewing clothes for her, I started performing surgeries and injections, after a few months of that there wasn't too much of her left!
Overall, it was much more enjoyable sliding down the side of the mountain in deep snow, or riding my bicycle up the side walls of the gravel pit :)
Decision 16, sterilized at 24.
@ TNT666, It wasn't easy! I first tried in Boston at 18, as soon as I moved out of my father's home. At age 15, I had begun taking those old, really high dose, birth control pills. In fear of my family's legacy of cancer, I wanted to get off the dangerous pills. My mother had died of cancer when I was 10.
For WHITE women, Boston Women's Hospital had an interesting policy. The woman's age, multiplied by the number of children she had, must equal 100, for her to be voluntarily sterilized. Yah, work out the numbers! Impossible. But, they were eagerly getting "informed consent" to fix every Latina Lady, and Black Lady, while she was screaming in labor.
At 24 I was married, and living in San Francisco. I chose a hospital with a large Latino population. I thought I could just jump into the assembly line - or dis-assembly line? They tried to talk me out of it, but I persisted. Then, they handed me "a permission form" for my husband to sign. RAGE! My husband had understood before we wed that I would not have any children. Still, I gave him the page and ordered him to, "Sign this!" "What is it?" "Just SIGN it!" I wouldn't let him read it and make a decision. It was galling. During my surgery, they gave me too much anesthesia, and I stopped breathing in the recovery room. An alert male nurse saved my life.
I wonder if it is harder or easier these days, for a young woman to get sterilized.