Hope this is in the right forum but I have been battling this the last 4 years and it's wearing me down, I'm 24. Well just to give some background. I was raised southern baptist by my mother, my father was a sinner until I was 16 and appears to have returned that way but we don't talk about god. My mother has always tied god into everything. Like certain things that seem completely illogical to connect she will with god. Like the reason my last relationship did not work out is because I had sex with the girl once 4 months before she showed she couldn't be trusted and didn't respect me. Well you two had sex, god just wasn't going to bless that. I'm like really WTF, I pretty much just got cheated on and you want to throw that crap in my face. This just really proves to me how inconsiderate and how messed up christians can be. I'm sitting there hurting and she wants to throw up something that happened 4 months ago in my face. My father he lets me be myself and make my own decisions without criticizing me and will catch me when I fall and tell me to keep my head up and keep moving. I'm not so concerned about telling him as I am my mother. Like she doesn't even think I should be trying to date, until I get things with god worked out. Wow, this sounds so pathetic, I'm 24 and my mother still tries to run my life. I still live with them while I'm working on getting through school and the girl that I thought was the one didn't work out, and I had to limp back home after she got done with me lol. I just wish my mother respected me as a person. I guess in writing this out I have realized that is probably the major issue here. All my friends, co-workers, and pretty much everyone knows I'm an atheist except my family and even extended family. I just don't know how to tell them, or to get my mother to respect me?

Sorry this turned into a rant/life story. Though just writing this down has helped as I finally realize a big issue about this is my mother respecting me as my friends have told me before.

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I just want to say this...

I hope you are being respectful. You are, after all, living under your mother's roof. While it wouldn't be kind of her to kick you out, she could very well choose to do that. And it's her home, anyway. I have a brother who's lived with my parents for the last 5 years, and he's 36 years old... never done anything with his life. I'm not saying your situation is the same, but I am asking you to be aware of how you present yourself to your mother and to make sure that it's not in an attacking way. Later, she will remember how you treated this situation. And if it was done with taste, it might make her come around faster. And it is a great kindness of her to allow you to stay with her. Just remember that.

It's important to realize that although you don't share her beliefs, we don't have to attack her, accuse her, or make her feel stupid for having them.

The goal here is to get yourself away from thinking "offensive" and "defensive". What you do have control over is how your conduct yourself. I'm sorry it hurt your mother so much to hear how you felt. But give her some time to absorb it. I agree with Janelle. You are old enough to decide whether or not you are going to church. It doesn't need to be an argument. If you don't want to go, simply don't. You don't need to explain yourself or defend that decision. You can simply, peacefully choose it. If her contingency of you staying there means you have to attend church, then-as a grown man-you can choose to move out.

You are not stuck, and you always have choices. Family is family. We love them no matter what our differences. I hope this won't come between you and the ones you love. It should be okay to agree to disagree.
Yes it was a respectful conversation. She tried arguing with me like I said but I just firmly, calmly, and respectfully told her I was not going to argue this subject with her. I actually think it went a lot better then planned. She hasn't brought up god or church this morning at all. Over breakfast this morning, she said that just because we don't agree doesn't mean I am not welcome to stay while I am in school. I told her I agreed and that I still love her. That is all that has been said about it.
Good, I'm glad to hear it. I think, in regards to family, it's important to let them know how much we love and appreciate them despite the fact that we might have different views. And my parents (one who is atheist & one who is Catholic) are a prime example of how you can find compromise in situations like that. Your mother is being kind in letting you stay with her. In return, you can show her a kindness by respecting her beliefs. She may not ever understand what you believe it, but in time she may come to respect it, too. Well done for standing up for what you believe in!



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