i never did support marriage partly because of how it has become such a religious practice, and partly because if gays/lesbians/transsexuals can't get married, why should i?
well i recently got married. the man i married doesn't support marriage either, but he's in the army, and for him to get the pay he needs to support us and for us to get such benefits as his insurance and KNOWING IF SOMETHING'S HAPPENED TO HIM, we needed to get married.
so i guess my question is this: was it immoral for us to get married since neither one of us really supports the institution that is marriage.
**(we love each other very much and wouldn't want to live our lives apart. whether we were legally married or not, we would spend our lives together as though we were. i'm asking about being married by the court, not common-law)**

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I don't think it is immoral for you to do that. Why should it? What seems immoral to me is how our culture denies similar benefits or privileges to non-married couples or single people. For example, being single I have to pay more for car insurance.

You did what you had to do for your family, and you took advantage of the benefits being offered to you. I don't see a problem.
I agree with The Nerd, too.
Sam hi,
I'm wondering if your asking if you and your husband getting married in light of your views regarding marriage is hypocritical rather than immoral? If so, remember that the concept of marriage existed long before it was adopted by Religion. Remember first and foremost marriage is a CIVIL union sanctioned by the state. And the State allows religions and other people to perform marriage ceremonies. Religion got into the business of performing marriages when they realized they could make a buck off of it and control who could marry who. Were you married in a civil ceremony (the original form of marriage), or married in a church due to family and peer pressure? Originally marriage was a way to cement alliances between different groups of people, giving people certain rights, protections and benefits (for example giving the new bride or groom certain rights, protections and benefits in their new village that outsiders did not have,) and a contract for property transfer. I'm not talking about women as property because that idea came about with Judaism and Christianity. I'm referring to property transfer as in lands and livestock and possesions.

So while you don't support the current religious concept of marriage, you may want to look at your marriage as sort of an alliance to secure certain rights, protections and benefits for each other and the ability to transfer property between each other. Look at it like you and your husband are getting back to the original form of marriage before it was corrupted by religion. I hope this answers your concerns somewhat.
Well put Whoever.

However, I don't think the concept of woman as property is unique to Judaism or Christianity. Unfortunately, it is a systemic and historical injustice all over the world, even to this day.
It sounds like you did what you needed to in order to look out for your best interests. I can't see anything wrong there.

I'm a married person myself. We chose marriage for emotional, practical and social reasons. I feel that marriage belongs to those involved not anyone's church or imaginary friend. I also feel that preventing homosexual marriages is not only wrong morally but a violation of "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion" part of the 1st Amendment, so I do what I can to support groups like Equal Rights Washington.
Marriage puts up artificial boundaries, that forces obligations that we would not normally have in nature. On that count, I don't count marraige as moral. But as Nerd said, it isn't immorral to do what you need to survive, and we live in a society that depends on people fucking each other over. So your doing it to stick it to the man, than I say your doing the right thing.
Alan Dershowitz has it right. He has suggested that ALL marriages be listed as civil unions by the state. Then, if you wanted to have a separate religious ceremony in your church, synagogue, mosque or whatever and sign a separate religious contract that would be your personal choice. It would have nothing to do with the state. In practice, that is what orthodox Jews already do. Then, every couple, regardless of sexual orientation, would have the same rights and the religious could claim that only THEIR marriages are "real." If that makes them happy then who cares what they say? That would take the state out of the religious aspect of unions and keep their interest in the legal rights department where it belongs.

To those who say that marriage doesn't matter at all, I disagree. It does raise the stakes on a relationship when you have proactively stated in writing, legally that you are committed to one another. That is why we make all serious business deals have a written contract too. It is recognized as more binding. Some of them fall through the cracks too but I would not have any significant plumbing or electrical work done without a contract. Why would I want the most important relationship in my life not to have one?
"Alan Dershowitz has it right. He has suggested that ALL marriages be listed as civil unions by the state"

I'm not sure I follow. In Australia all recognised marriages are civil contracts. The legality of a marriage comes from the formal registration of a marriage. Gay and Lesbian marriages are not illegal, but they may not be registered,and hence have no legal standing,

Here ,although marriage ceremonies may have personal and social significance, they have no legal standing. A marriage celebrant 'marries' no one. He/she resides over a ceremony;marriage is contract between two people.

Yep,I've been married,it seemed like la good idea at the time,and it was.It was to my advantage on several levels. Today I'm divorced,and have no intention of getting married again.

A few years ago I was appalled to discover just how similar the important women in my life have been.I concluded that I'm attracted to the same broad yep,and make the same mistakes. Discovering the kinds of dropkicks most of these women ended up with was not all flattering.
Ask yourself this: Does it matter whether or not marriage is moral? It makes more sense to weigh the legal and economical advantages than to debate about the morality...
thanks guys. yeah i think we pretty much just look at it as a civil thing. we did get married in a civil service, however, we still had to make such vows which include god as a witness and such other religious frivolities. i don't know i guess i just felt like they devalued my marriage, like what i was saying wasn't as binding for us being atheists. of course, i still value our marriage immensely, but i just hate how religion has taken over it, even where it's separate from the church.
To this comment specifically. It hos the value that you put on it, if in your heart you meant to stay with him in marriage then it's valid, it doesn't matter that you said something to appease a court official, it matters to your husband that you meant what you said that you will be with him. Love is a great thing and nothing can devalue that. Congratulations by the way. I hope that you are in a state of happiness that you have never known before. :)
Well, Sam, I think that the person officiating for you did you a disservice. When my husband and I were married at the court house, I told him not to include god in our service. We did say vows to each other, but they were more of a personal promise to each other than a testament to god.

But you should not let that take away from the love that you have for each other, or the promise of your future.

There are other legal documents that you can file, in loo of marriage that can carry "almost" the same weight. Living Wills, Wills, and Powers of Attorney can be used instead. They do not carry the same weight as a union, and it is good to have them even if you are married, but these are some options that people are using so that loved ones can be close, especially in times of need.




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