Joseph Langston said in another thread his religious relative accused him of "...just being angry with God." This prompted an idea. If it's been done here already... we can kill the thread.

Let's build a library of religious platitudes-- the dumbass hackneyed sayings Christians throw out like so much bullshit that it makes you laugh everytime you hear them.

Here is partial list drawn from actual experience / observation:

Basic death Platitudes for other Believers:
“Don’t be sad, Little Timmy is with Jesus now.”
“Just trust God.”
“God called little Bobby home.”
“Little Susie is in our prayers.”
“She’s in a better place now.”
“Jesus holds you in His loving arms during your hour
of grief.”
“I’ll offer blessings of comfort and strength.”
"God works in strange and mysterious ways."
"Who are we to know God's plan."
“I’ll pray for you.”

Proselytizing Platitudes:

“Just open your heart to Jesus.” (also known as the
“Stop Thinking!!” gambit)

“The proof of Him is all around you.”
“Jesus is my personal Lord and Savior let Him be yours
as well.”
“He died for your sins.”
“Why are you angry at God?” or "Why do you hate
“If a Christian hurt you at some time, I’m sorry.”
“You deny Him with your words, but you know that He
“The Lord loves you and He is quite capable to communicate
that to you and to cause you to believe, whether
you want to or not.”
“I’ll pray for you.”

Pissed off Platitudes:
“You’ll see the error of your ways when you standeth
before Him and tremble!”
“Every knee shall bend … you just wait!”
“Only a fool says there is no God! Thou art a Fool!!”
“If you don’t believe in God and Heaven, why don’t you
just kill yourself!?”
“I’ll enjoy watching you burn in Hell for eternity.”
"You're taking that scripture out of context!!"
"So what if you know the Bible, even Satan can spout scripture."
“I’ll pray for you.”

Anyone have any others/favorites to share?


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Ugh. How about these:

"God said it, I believe it, that settles it!"
"Praise the Lord."
"Hate the sin, love the sinner."
"Jesus Christ is either a liar, a lunatic, or the Lord."
"If Jesus returned today, would you be ready? Or, "If you died today, would you go to heaven or hell?"
"It takes more faith to be an atheist than a Christian." Or, "It takes more faith to believe in Evolution than in God."
(Directed to EX-christians): "You were never really a Christian."
"You know deep down in your heart that without God you are not happy."
"You know deep down in your heart that there really is a god."
"God loves you whether you like it or not."
"Atheism is a religion."
"You're only an atheist because you want to sin."
"Christianity is not a religion, it's a personal relationship."
"Jesus Christ is either a liar, a lunatic, or the Lord."

The smart atheist's reply: "Or a legend."
I've also considered:

an Amalgamation (of other self professed prophets from the same general time and place)
an Exaggeration (i.e., an ordinary man with charisma who rallied a band of followers)
Non-existent (a fabrication)
a Corruption (piecing together other Christ-like figures from older mythologies to roll your own religion)

...I'm sure I'll remember more later.

However, your "Legend" response says it best of all: succinct, clear, accurate, and it keeps the alliteration going!

That particular cliche is a prime example of the unfortunate propensity of Western religion for black and white thinking. Another one of the forms it takes is exclusivity, as in Luke 11:23 ("He who is not with me is against me").

There's another religious platitude, in fact: "You're either with us or against us." "You're either saved or you're going to hell." "You're either redeemed by God or you're bound by Satan."

It's a terrible thing to believe that you are privy to the Ultimate Truth (no matter what, and despite refuting evidence). If you have competitors you'll likely end up killing each other. In any case, you'll be prone to being tyrannical.
Great list!!!!
I really hate the one which exists as variations around "one day you'll believe" or "you'll find your way to God someday" or "eventually you'll come around", or something that implies that I will one day be *gotten* by Jesus Christ.

Oh man, get this: I told one of the secretaries at my college that I didn't believe in God. She asked me if I had kids. I said no. She said something like "when you hold your first baby in your arms and look into its face, you'll change your mind". What a load of horseshit.

Or, as one of my Christian fellow officers told me once, "It took Darwin's deathbed for him to find God" (upon which I promptly told him that he fell for the trap, that this is a lie that was propagated about Darwin by a well-meaning religious friend or acquaintance of his, or whoever the hell it was around when he died. I could hardly believe he said it, but then I guess Hitchens was right about that falsehood being alive and well out there.)
But when you have accepted Jeebus as your lord and savior you get to make up your own history - it's part of the deal.
I've been accosted on the street with "Have you spoken to God today?" I usually slap my head and say "That's who I forgot to call!" then pull out my cell and start dialing. The usual response to this is a resounding "FUCK YOU!" and they stomp off.
GINFWMY "God is not finished with me yet"
WWJD (I don't think I need to tell you what that means.)
"not perfect, just forgiven"
"I didn't come from no monkey." (Got to get the grammar wrong, of course.)
How about:
"For those who believe, no explanation is necessary. For those who do not, no explanation is possible."
A nice quote: "He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigot. He that dare not is a slave"
Andrew Carnegie (1835-1919).
And a platitude: "God never gives you more than you can handle".
"Theists accuse atheists of being angry at God. Since atheists, by definition, do not believe God exists, how can they be mad at Him? But then again, since God, by definition, is invisible, then atheists are truly mad at nothing." ~Jae Baeli


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