Joseph Langston said in another thread his religious relative accused him of "...just being angry with God." This prompted an idea. If it's been done here already... we can kill the thread.

Let's build a library of religious platitudes-- the dumbass hackneyed sayings Christians throw out like so much bullshit that it makes you laugh everytime you hear them.

Here is partial list drawn from actual experience / observation:

Basic death Platitudes for other Believers:
“Don’t be sad, Little Timmy is with Jesus now.”
“Just trust God.”
“God called little Bobby home.”
“Little Susie is in our prayers.”
“She’s in a better place now.”
“Jesus holds you in His loving arms during your hour
of grief.”
“I’ll offer blessings of comfort and strength.”
"God works in strange and mysterious ways."
"Who are we to know God's plan."
“I’ll pray for you.”

Proselytizing Platitudes:

“Just open your heart to Jesus.” (also known as the
“Stop Thinking!!” gambit)

“The proof of Him is all around you.”
“Jesus is my personal Lord and Savior let Him be yours
as well.”
“He died for your sins.”
“Why are you angry at God?” or "Why do you hate
“If a Christian hurt you at some time, I’m sorry.”
“You deny Him with your words, but you know that He
“The Lord loves you and He is quite capable to communicate
that to you and to cause you to believe, whether
you want to or not.”
“I’ll pray for you.”

Pissed off Platitudes:
“You’ll see the error of your ways when you standeth
before Him and tremble!”
“Every knee shall bend … you just wait!”
“Only a fool says there is no God! Thou art a Fool!!”
“If you don’t believe in God and Heaven, why don’t you
just kill yourself!?”
“I’ll enjoy watching you burn in Hell for eternity.”
"You're taking that scripture out of context!!"
"So what if you know the Bible, even Satan can spout scripture."
“I’ll pray for you.”

Anyone have any others/favorites to share?


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My sister is constantly telling me "You need to be more open-minded!"

I tell her, "I am open-minded! I just don't want my brain to fall out!"
This one particularly irks me:

"How could a billion people (who believe in God) be wrong?"

Typical answers:
- Using your reasoning, the earth was flat before Magellan, and it had an undetermined shape before Gagarin and Glenn photographed it from orbit.
- The same billion of people who once believed in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy?
- Which god?
- How could a billion Hindus be wrong?
- There's many more people than that who don't believe in YOUR god!
- At least 999,000,000 of your billion of believers are only parotting what the rest say, without any evidential support. Is that opinion? What if I train one billion parrots to say "God does not exist" all day long?
If a billion people believe a stupid thing..... it's still a stupid thing.
I love the parrot idea, let's work on that :oP
Ever since I heard that bitch from Westboro Baptist say it repeatedly, I've noticed it a lot more...referring to him as "The Lord your God". Maybe it's just because it's Westboro, but it still boils my blood.

You mean like that verne??
Oh, I just thought of another one, something my dad claims I used to say when I was a little kid: "Jesus don't make no junk!"
LOL. I don't even know what that means. It sounds vaugely reminisent of "Buy American."

I'm not sure that qualifies as a platitude in the strict sense of the word ... but hey, maybe it'll catch on. ;)

Perhaps it refers to the absurd notion that "we are all made in his image." Except, of course, for anyone not believing in exactly the same thing they believe, and those born with deformities of the mind or body...
Jen, hey, your guess is as good as anyones.
It might also mean that while jesus loves you he doesn't want to "make it with your junk".
Now that you mention it, it's amazing how much Shaq O'Neal and Ben Stein resemble each other - almost like twins.




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