Oh Boy. Where to start.

I was born into a Mormon family and was baptized at 8. Which right off the bat I have a few issues with. I believe the age of baptism should be at least 12, probably even 15 years. But looking back I never questioned the age and in fact defended people getting baptized at 8 without really thinking about it. (I'm going to face-palm a lot during this just looking back at myself)

I really started to question at about the age of 16-17 or so. I never really actually had the thought cross my mind that I was wrong, it was more of a problem with defending ideas that I had previously endorsed without question. For example - The mistreatment of homosexuals, Tithes and offerings, and straight up lying about not endorsing political issues. The most vile and despicable of which being the latter which I will explain in the next paragraph.
For all of my church going life I took great pride in the fact that if all else failed that at least I could count on my church standing for this one thing: They never told you HOW to vote, they only told you TO vote. I will bring the homosexuality issue into this because that is the issue the church leaders told us to vote on. 

1. The Mormon church was the #1 donator for the political support of Prop 8 which denys Homosexuals the right to marry. Bam, reason one. Lets move on.

2. The Mormon church is also the largest contributor to the Boy Scouts. The church also denied Gays the ability to serve as scout masters or even to practically be in the organization at all. The mormon church told the Boy scouts they would take away all of thier support if it allowed gays to be in the Boy Scouts. As a Mormon youth you are expected to be in the boy scouts. In fact you are expected to be VERY active in the boy scouts. Most of what a youth will do at Youth Group (called "Mutual") is actually boy scout activities.

3. I remember being told from the pulpit to vote against the gay rights. The Proclamation to the World was the nail in the coffin. While I didn't think too much about gay rights at the time, the thought of them telling me how to vote was appalling.

4. I only include this comment to be fair to the issue:  Homosexuals are invited to the Mormon church. However they must not do that which makes them homosexual. which means they basically have to either lie about being homosexual and simply try to be straight, or they must abstain from sex FOREVER no matter what.

----- Anyway that was my reasoning for being appalled at this one specific issue... On to how I broke the news to my parents. Because my reasons for leaving are somewhat unimportant because all you really have to do is think a little. I'll just tell my story.

As a youth in the Mormon church I was in church for 3 hours on Sunday, 1 hour every school day before school started in the morning, and Mutual (Youth Group) for another 2 hours on Wednesdays or Tuesdays depending on a couple factors. So I literally spent at least 10 hours physically at church in a normal week. Not to mention all the camping trips, Temple trips, volunteer work for members (which happened a lot), and other responsibilities due to the hierarchy of the local Mormon Ward (congregation). So I may or may not have specific responsibilities based on what leadership position I had (which was a lot of the time because of the size of my peer group). But anyways. Most of this ended when I got out of High School and started college

At the age of 18 I had just lost my job because the schedule was changed and I didn't receive the message because my phone was broken at the time when they tried to reach me. I was stupid and didn't realize I should have fought it. But I had other things going on in my life which I could focus more on and I was still living with my parents so it wasn't the end of the world.

I went home told my parents and since I lived in Dallas, Oregon at the time I decided I should go job searching in the Capital city of Oregon: Salem which is 17 miles away. So I hopped on my bike (we went on a lot of biking trips in the boy scouts) and rode my bike there and stayed at a friends house so I could more easily go to college and job search. Keep in mind this was about the time when the economy collapsed. These events transpired in January-February of 2009. Suffice it to say It was a little hard to find a job.
So I job searched for 3 weeks on my bike (I was pretty physically fit at the time) and at the end of those 3 weeks I decided it was time for me to head back to my parents place. When I arrived I sat in the living room for 3 hours with the TV on until my parents returned home from wherever they had been. And for some strange reason, my parents believed that I had been partying for 3 weeks since I wasn't home (even though I had told them what I was doing and checked up with them most every day).

A few things to note: I had never masturbated before this point in my life, I had never had sex at this point in my life, I had never had alcohol before this point in my life (in fact I waited until my 21st birthday for my first drink.), I could count how many times I had cussed on one hand, and I could go on. I was basically as moral as a person could be. I had never given my parents any reason to believe I was a terrible person. 

My mother wanted to have a religious based conversation and I was a little depressed and stressed from the job searching situation and just wanted to sit down. I really didn't want to hear it but I humored her for the most point. 

She wanted to know what I believed and I told her I couldn't do that because I had no beliefs. This was the first time I had ever told anyone I was agnostic or anywhere close to it. But finally, calmly and coolly explained that I could not take what she said seriously because its not based on reason and fact but instead based on faith and fiction. To that point she raged to a point I had never seen her rage before. I was kicked out. with nothing but a backpack, laptop, a few clothes and a bike. 

So I sucked at life for a another 7 weeks while going to college. Luckily I had friends that would take me in (all of which were atheists). And found myself living at my grandparents house in a camping trailer which I actually liked. It was the first time I had ever had my own space to call my own.

This is the most important part of my de-conversion story. 

I spent a lot of time by myself. Doing a lot of nothing. I sank into depression because of how my life was going, and was feeling very sorry for myself. I thought maybe God was punishing me somehow. I say 'somehow' in that I didn't believe but I thought that the events in my life were showing me that there was a God and he was displeased. But I started thinking with all the free time I had and realized that the reason I had been and still was sucking at life wasn't because of explainable external forces, but it was because of how everyone treated me because I had told them was an agnostic-atheist. 

There is more to my story but I don't really know how many people will really read this. But thank you if you did. If people are genuinely interested I may share more. :)

-Joshua Francom. 

Views: 487

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Please do go on, it's an enjoyable read. [edit - didn't see that last post lol]

Could you elaborate on how you felt the bad things in your life were the fault of the way people around you reacted to your coming out, as opposed to being because of a displeased god? My ex is a mormon and she has some major problems which she refuses to do anything about because she says it's god's will.

Interesting journey. It struck me odd in your post what was considered "as moral as a person can be."

Mormons have a strange sense of focus when they focus on morality. The sexual repression is an ironic result from a cult which basically started by an 19th century Don Juan committing polyandry (adultry actually) and polygamy as a core tenet. The irony! I imagine you will still struggle with sunconscious shame about certain things. Good luck in healing and reinventing yourself--looks like you have started on a strong path. Its not easy to leave the Church if your family remains active it will be a continued source of embarassment and fear for them. Not an easy matter. I suppose you are aware of the exmormon cites, etc.


© 2018   Atheist Nexus. All rights reserved. Admin: The Nexus Group.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service