Since the first part is mostly unnecessarily, I've left it out. If you'd like to read the previous 15 paragraphs, read here: http://pastie.org/private/5fdbaz2eogrl48dhf8pla
I can't see myself being with my family in the future anymore. I can't see myself coming home for Christmas when I'm older. I question if they even love me anymore.. I feel completely awful. I don't want it to be this way. Being Christmas time, I wish I could love my family more, but I can't when they're like this. I just need some help. I need someone to turn to, and love. Friends and girlfriends aren't enough.. I just don't know what to do. I recently watched, "Creation", a movie portraying the life of Charles Darwin. I feel just like that. My family simply expects me to change, but it's not going to happen. Do they know what they're doing? How they're making me feel? I try letting them know. I'm often literally crying, wishing things weren't this way. It's been over a year..
Religion is destroying one of the most precious things in my life, and I can't do anything about it. I feel so empty inside. I need help..
Hey, I've been where you are. The biggest thing to remember is that it isn't your fault. If you need a support group, and are close to St. George, DRIFT meets at Jazzy Java weekly.
I'll keep that in mind, thanks.
It honestly does get better, just continue getting good grades and stay out of trouble. This will show your parents you are a good person and you dont have to believe to be successful.
If you are not familiar with the Mormon Expression podcast, check it out. They have a private and public group on facebook, both have lots of really good people.
Jeffrey, you are in a tough place. In order to "please" your parents, church, and friends, you are being asked to be false to yourself. But if you are untrue to yourself, that means you are not being true to others, so it is an impossible thing that is being asked of you. If you choose instead to be true to yourself, however, and your parents are decent human beings, they will eventually come to respect you for your honesty and strength of conviction. That is a much better basis for a relationship than trying to live a lie.
I wish you the best in your endeavors. It looks dark now, but the world is a wonderful place and you will find others who will appreciate you for who and what you are.
I found the first 12 paragraphs to be extremely important. Thank you for sharing your story with us. It will get better. I promise.