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Funny but true! This is why the man should have a secret bank account. Reasons for the woman to have a secret bank account include the fact that her husband would spend her money on the family car if he knew she had it!

MArriage is more than that. Its having someone who you know better every year. Who you become increasing accepting of difference while become more alike. Who you can laugh at for their aging while they laugh at you for aging. some to take control when you are not up to it, and who trusts you to take control when they cant. Someone to finish your sentences and you finish theirs. Someone to appreciate more and more with time. Some to forgive and they forgive you. Marriage is the 3rd member of a relationship. You nurture the "you" the "me" and the "us" . The "us" is the bond at keeps you together. Marriage is knowing someone can make the most crucial of all decisions for you, when needed, and knowing they will do thhe right thing.

Even if the. marriage doesnt work out, if both members are good people, they hope the best for eqch other. sometimes we have to get older, and fail at a marriage or two before we get it right. not everyone gets it right. Marriages are as different as the people in them.

I am grateful every day for my partner, and for our marriage.

Sentient, I get goose bumps reading your piece. I never took the risk of another marriage; too cowardly to trust again.

My daughter and son both have healthy marriages and I so respect them! You experience so many benefits as well in your marriage and I am happy that you found someone with whom you share your life and challenges. I am grateful for my children who take such good care of me, especially as we team up to fight cancer. 

Dennis, as to bank accounts, I agree that each should have their own bank accounts. Both Laura and Craig, my daughter and one of my sons, have their marriages set up that way. No one has to ask the other for anything and they both contribute to the children and household expenses. Both my mother and father worked full time; mom liked pretty things and dad liked cheap; they fought from morning until night over money. NO THANK YOU! I would rather not be married. 

That's the best laugh I've had all week.  Thanks.  Had to send it to my daughter.  The reason a lot of people stay married, when they don't want to be, is because of health insurance. And finances.

Study a couple of months ago.

My parents' marriage:  A man who didn't look outside himself and dominated so he wouldn't see anything outside of himself, got together with a much younger woman in Brazil.  He brought her to the USA, rescuing her from her terrible parents.  But making her part of his personal circle of domination so he could be secure and serviced, both sexually and as household staff. 

She realized two weeks after she was married, that she wanted out.  But she saw no way out.  So she tried to murder her firstborn at two, and wreaked her hate on the rest of her children.  And on her husband, who became a dervish of rage over time, while she died inside. 

Slowly over the next two decades she worked her way out:  first she got her high school GED, then she went to the community college, then to the university, then she got professional training, then she got a boyfriend and got divorced.  My father moved away after the divorce and calmed down. 

That also is marriage:  a Killing Fields for children. 

"Marriage, a killing field for children"
~ Luara

Marriage is only as good, or as bad, as the two people in it.  It must start with love, but after that it takes commitment and work from both.  It's difficult, it's wonderful, it's harder than anyone expects, and with effort it can be more rewarding than anyone could believe.  We're in our 57th year now.  We've had better and worse, richer and poorer, sickness and health.  But if you can't choose well in the first place, and work hard, and compromise, and be patient waiting for better times, and change plans in the middle ... it's better you don't try.

Jerry, that's the single wisest statement of this entire business.  ANY relationship is the product of the participants, their attitudes, and their willingness to make the relationship WORK.  The eventual failure of my first marriage and the the far better status of my current marriage are both exemplars of that principle.

The problem, of course, is that too many people are more anxious to look at others than they are at themselves to understand what is going on in their lives.




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