I feel like I've been on all sides of Christianity. I was raised going to church, but not allowed to go to Sunday School with the other children and had to go to the main service where I understood nothing. When I was about 8, we stopped going to church.

Fast forward to me being 14. My father had just died by his own hand and I was looking for a crutch. My mom would send us to church (we got transferred to her custody when he died, of course) on Sunday so she could get high and not get caught. I became involved with the church, going on a mission trip to Mexico where I prayed Jesus into my heart and became saved. Or so I thought. This went on for a few years and I became president of the Christian Club in high school in 11th grade.

I had never been baptized as a child and felt the need to do it. I got baptized by the church I went on the missions with and then told a friend that I just had been baptized. He asked me if I knew what it meant. I said yeah and blew him off. Later that year he invited me to one of his churchs' functions at Six Flags. I love Six Flags and thought it would be okay to go to this new church just once. I went and I loved the new church. They asked me if I wanted to do Bible studies and I said yeah. I go through the studies, which teaches that baptism is the key to salvation and get baptized and saved. Again. Or whatever that really means.

My first couple years of college pass with me in this church, daily reading my Bible and trying my best to live the life of Jesus. I have a breakdown and my fellow "sisters in Christ" leave me to rot on my own. I then came out as a lesbian/slighly bisexual and that was all they needed to hear to let me go.

For years I tried to reconcile my religious beliefs and my sexuality. I have always liked women since I was a kid. I was born this way, no matter what the fundies say. I never knew what gay was when I knew I liked women. I thought it was (and now I think so again) that it was perfectly natural. It's the church that tries to get you to think that it's against their God's will. I got with my fiance(yes, I did say slightly bisexual... I'm only really attracted to him and not other men) and he is an atheist. I put him through hell (no pun intended) every year when I decided I wanted to go back to church and couldn't be with him since we were living together and not offically married. I almost broke up with him several times.

Earlier this year, he showed me a YouTube series called something like "Why Creationists Are Stupid" and it just ripped my faith a new one. Or ripped my faith from me. My eyes were opened. The idea that there is a god out there who can hear my thoughts and can change his all-knowing will just because I think a certain thought towards him is ridiculous. I'm currently reading "The God Delusion" and loving it. It all makes so much sense now. If I was to recommend a book I would recommed "The True Believer" by Eric Hoffer. He goes into the mindset of all kinds of fundamentalists, from the Christians to people in cults, how they got that way and what was their mindset.

Anyways, that's my story. I've gone from a fundie, to a disciple, to an atheist. I know now that what I believe is based on fact and have no need for faith.

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Yeah, that's the series I was talking about. Funny how a YouTube video series could make me change my paradigm... but I don't regret it. I like living based on logic and facts.
YT videos "Ten Questions Every Christian Must Ask" and "Why Won't God Heal Amputees?" did it for me :)
Welcome to the party. I dated a Roman Catholic guy who used to suddenly declare we couldn't have sex because it was wrong. A week later he'd totally break down, lol. But it's sick how religion makes us feel guilt and shame for all kinds of natural impulses.




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