Hi everyone,

Not to sound too conceited or anything, but my problem isn't necessarily finding dates/men.. but actually finding men who are not scared of my intelligence! Just being an atheist means you are dramatically more intelligent than the average joe. I would argue that this is mostly  because of all the careful study and research a lot of us do to finally come to that conclusion. Also, being an atheist means that you have the intellectual capacity to realize that the universe wasn't made for just you. Wow! That seems to take an extreme amount of reason...

I am 23, but I still feel the overwhelming pressures of sexism ... to let the man wear the pants. I was in a great relationship from 19-21 where it was completely egalitarian and respecting. However, the ones since then, and it seems those types that I am attracted to, are very intimidated by me being an intelligent/educated woman. It's the whole, "barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen" mentality it seems. I don't see gender roles as evil, but I do see it as evil when men basically want you to be their slave..... :(. ugh. 

Anyways, I've finally come to the conclusion that I need to meet people who are more on my wave length. Fellow humanists/atheists it would appear. My last relationship was a quick one, with an ex-jehovah's witness! Oh man, the mental scarring that man faced was just downright sad. Anyway, that didn't work out mainly because of how nutty that JW cult is! Since that, I have realized I must not settle for a "glazed eyed" drug addict. And by the word drug I mean religion. However, a lot of the atheist men I do meet bore me to death or are extremely socially awkward. Why is that? 

Anyway, does anyone face the same problem as me?

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I know of two men both in their fifties healthy and physical fit. The first one is an atheist and a factory worker but well spoken and intelligent. The second on a devote christian and a bank manager. Both single and divorced. They both joined an on line dating service. In the same period the atheist received one email from an interested women the christian received sixty five. Was it the possibility of the financial security of the bank manger or his religion for both.
Hey Anna! It's too bad we're not closer together. Here in the Kansas City area there is a relatively strong atheist community, and there is never any difficulty finding friends if you are willing to step out a little. I am fascinated every time I run across an atheist from Utah, and I would be happy to correspond with you.

Heh, umm, I think she's in her 20's, guys.
Check out OkCupid.com, it's free, and it has a large membership, a great proportion of which is atheist.
However, a lot of the atheist men I do meet bore me to death or are extremely socially awkward. Why is that?

Being an atheist (at least openly) in a religious country requires a good amount of disagreeableness. Basically, a guy who allows others to know that he doesn't believe what "everyone else" believes must either be ignorant of social norms/customs/etc. or be willing, or even happy, to step on some toes.
The former are the "extremely socially awkward" guys, and the latter is where you meet the "bore me to death" guys. They don't pay much attention to other people, and that includes you. :/

Thankfully, there are guys who don't subscribe to any religion and can carry on a conversation about something other than their collection of Harvey's dinner trays. :)

PS: You definitely left a participle hanging at the end of your title. ;)
Interesting blog, and to comment about the socially awkwardness, I feel that it is partially that there is not a lot of social opportunity for a real relationship for atheist men since there are not many available atheist women for them. I keep hoping that I am wrong. The word social akwardness makes me think in this case pure numbers of population who think alike and have resources to socially expand.
They're out there. There are several single women of all ages, in my Atheist Meetup group. Find your local group at meetup.com.
I'll check it out. Thanks.
I have the same problem. It seems like most of the atheist men I've dated recently are extremely socially awkward. I'm an intelligent woman, but I can hold my own in social situations, too. I'm looking for a guy who can do the same and hold a conversation, as well.

If you figure out where to find them, let me know!
"However, a lot of the atheist men I do meet bore me to death or are extremely socially awkward. Why is that?"

Apparently,they take pride in being "outcasts". They've let their nontheism lead them into a pessimistic worldview, which in turn makes them boring. NOBODY wants to hang around somebody like that. you'll find someone who you fit perfectly with. Just dont give up
I've never dated an atheist. I think I MIGHT like to. I don't really feel like hearing complaints about religion all the time though. It does annoy me when a girl I'm dating thinks something happens one day because of her or my astrological sign, or that when an airplane passes it's an alien space craft, or she's a vampire, or yadda yadda yadda every other stupid thought you can think of. I would love to date a girl that's more realistic and also won't get some crazy hair up her vag to go bang some other dude because she thinks when I study and work I'm just using that as an excuse to spend less time with her, and then also insult my intelligence by thinking I'm too stupid to put some pieces together and figure out that I'm not the only one in those pants. :/ I'm thinkin that "special" thing some people have must be really rare.
I may have dated atheist women; with short relationships it never came up. I married two theists (not simultaneously), one of whom was a Theist in Name Only™, or a Catholic in Name Only™. She did it for the comfort dynamic, I think, but she was very open-minded, as am I, provided there is no proselytizing, so we never had a problem.

Suffering from the idealistic approach seems to be fairly common. A preferred woman to me would be intellectually flexible, but with full reality-engagement; IOW, not shallow or flimsy. I think that's the main thing for starters, although certainly other areas of attractiveness are important. I do have some very close, long-term female friends who fit this bill, but there has never been the spark, you know (at least not at the same time).

There are a lot of people in the online atheist community with whom I could easily be very friendly -- I find them all over. Just no luck in the dating arena yet. For everyone's benefit: one place I have found intelligent, non-theist or very unpretentious types is in well-known liberal churches, such as Unitarian Universalists, Unity, etc. I would never encourage church-going, but it's there for those who can stomach it, and I have met some great people that way. You'd be surprised how many atheists/agnostics there are in some of these places, almost as if they just can't kick the church habit.

Oh well. Sounds like the problem is widespread, Anna, and I hope things work out. Meanwhile, I am happy to converse with you on the intertubes.




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