What do guys look for in a girl? I mean, what do you notice first? And what ultimately makes you fall for that one girl??

I ask for two reasons: 1) I am just curious...and 2) I am 32, a hardcore atheist, a scifi geek, sardonic, sarcastic, I quote from Monty Python, Doctor Who, and Family Guy and a few more; also I'm not very girly for a girl, have no prospects and am single beyond belief!! :) I'm anxious to hear what freethinking guys like you like in a girl..besides the obvious...nontheism and freethought!! ;)

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[Just noting at first; I'm married coming up on 25 years. Haven't looked for anyone else in that time, but I've thought about this at times so i can give my kids guidance.]

OK. First impressions are admittedly shallow, but they are real none the less. So, first I notice looks. That doesn't mean a gal's gotta be a supermodel. I do however tend to go with the general belief that a person (male or female) who keeps themselves clean, trim, in some decent shape, etc is a person who cares about themselves.
A smile is a big thing. No matter what anyone looks like, a genuine smile does wonders.
I look for intelligence in the eyes too.

Once a conversation gets started (doesn't matter if it's philosophy or the weather), I am listening for intelligence, openness, humor, kindness, genuine interest in others, diversity of interests, in short... depth. Obviously all this won't come through in a chat at the bus stop, but over a lunch the bigger picture will start to form.

With more time, assuming that I was looking for a relationship, I'd be looking for indications that the gal was able to commit to a serious decision, that we both were aware of our differences and prepared to enjoy them or live with them, that we had plenty of things in common (opposites may attract, but they don't usually do well long-term), and I'd want to be sure that we were realistic about how/when to spend time together as well as how/when we would need time apart.

Just a few thoughts there for you.

BTW, if you're seriously looking, you really should look at some of the reputable on-line venues for meeting singles. They are surprisingly good at matching people up well.
I agree...first impressions are shallow...but who doesn't notice looks first??! Whether it's the eyes, or the lips, or the way the person walks, or what have you. But, yes...the conversation and connection are what seals it.

BTW..I took a look at one of those reputable online venues...decent...but not worth the money, really. Maybe I'll just stick to the bookstores, classes, museums, and the occasional pub (not the trashy kind, but the kind where people go for "a" beer and some good music). Thanks for the thoughts!! :)
I find online dating quite shallow in the way they are made up. Dating in itself I find a rather shallow means to get to know someone. It may be a cultural difference, but I would never ask someone for a date. If I asked someone out I would already be in love with that person so to speak. Well, I don't know, dating just seems a bit desperate :) Also, I am a person who cannot just talk freely with anyone, I really need to click intellectually and mentally, the average guy just isn't smart enough... sorry if that offended anyone.

I've noticed when it comes to fictional characters (say, on tv or in a book), I like guys who are intelligent with sarcastic humor. I don't know why, but I find that characteristisc so incredbily attractive! I also totally despise guys who are macho. And oh, I have never chosen a guy for looks... Sorry if this may sound offending again, but I find that average to above average good looking people to be too normal... Well, I don't know how else to put it. Good looks is simply the least things I look for a person, because I always find good looking people way too shallow for my taste. They are simply generally not interested in intellectual pursuit like I am.
Like I said, I didn't appreciate the online services either--but friends insisted I give it a shot. And, I'm not advertising myself here. I merely posed a question to see what atheist men enjoyed in a woman, hoping to receive an answer like intelligence, confidence, smiles, geekiness..... I like the intelligent, geeky guys more than anything. That is why I asked the intelligent, geeky guys. My favourite "fictional characters"? Doctor Who and Mr. Spock. Oh, how I love intelligent geeky guys...

As far as looks, I never said they had to be "hot". I just said I notice looks first. They don't have to be good looking to have nice eyes, or intelligent eyes, or a brilliant smile. I'm not shallow, at all. I'm not interested in good looks.

I'm not around enough people in my daily life right now to get to no someone better. And, I don't date. I have never asked a guy out for a date either. But, dating, desperate? With a smiley face at the end??...I think it's great to date. Going to museums, or movies, or hiking or getting coffee--that's great.

I don't really talk freely with just any guy either. Honestly, I have not found a guy around here to talk freely with. There aren't a lot of atheist guys here in my town.

This thread isn't me trying to find a man! I was just interested in learning what bright, intelligent men noticed first, or appreciated in a woman. Hell, most of the guys that replied are married, and that helped--because like I said in my original discussion..."What makes you ultimately fall for that one girl?"
You shouldn't have taken the reply so seriously as if I was criticizing you :) I was just trying to tell you what I personally look for in a man, and what I think about dating, as to give a distance to all the replies from men. Knowing what women might be interested in would help too, right?

Yes, I like geeky men, I wouldn't be able to live with someone who would not share my interests, with those comes gaming, roleplaying, you name it.

And erhm, it seems you believed I am a guy? Well, no wonder, I don't usually mention my gender but for other reasons on online communities. I thought it was more apparent, but guess not. I suppose sometimes it might be hard to tell whether I really am a woman or not, it depends a bit on the subject I am writing on I think.
I didn't take it seriously or personally. I was merely responding. And, yes, you made some very valid points. I very much appreciate it!! :). I was wondering if the women would respond!! And I thank you. Macho men are not attractive to me either.
Well ok, your first reply sounded like you took some kind of offense, as if you had to correct yourself and your opinions if you get what I mean.

I cannot speak for women as a whole, but being somewhat bigendered I've found out that I have no problems to see it from both angles... But I am only attracted to men. For now at least.
Wow..I did not think you were a guy...I've seen you around the nexus before. And, I did not get offended, nor did I feel like I had to correct my opinions. Sorry if I offended you.
Personally, I don't date because I'm desperate. I also don't expect to find "true love" on a blind date. I expect to get dressed up, go out somewhere, have a conversation, and go home alone. My expectations line up with reality often, and I have a good time. Course, I'm a single mom, so getting out of the house is almost always a welcome treat. (Just one American's view of cultural dating.)
Yes! I get dressed up (but not too dressy), go out with my one friend who gets me, maybe have conversation with a guy (but they're all alike around here), and go home to my children. I am a single mother, too...so yea, it is a rare treat when I do go out without having to take a diaper bag.

Honestly, I enjoy spending my nights watching old Star Trek, and Doctor Who, while reading textbooks.
Well, that's the thing I don't get, which is partially because I a have highly functional autism, I would believe (and I was mostly addressing dating to find the love of your life, but I think you understood that, and I suppose you agree dating to find the love of your life is a bit desperate...?). How can you just meet someone and have a good conversation at random? I have met a lot of people throughout my life, but I can probably only have a good conversation with less than 1/100 of every person I meet. The rest I end up small-talking with, feeling I get nowhere, and they don't really feel they get anything either I believe, although they want to pretend they do.

Always the constant feeling people don't quite get me, and I don't get them at all. Throughout my whole life, I've had one best friend that I lost due to some silly drama and the rest were my boyfriends I felt I could speak 100% freely with. Generally, I don't like socializing IRL at all, it always makes me feel uncomfortable and awkward, as I never know how to live up to people's expectations of the social me which simply does not really exist.
See, that's me..I don't really get people, and they don't get me, at all. I have one girl friend who does. She understands me perfectly. My boyfriends in the past were losers...and the most recent one (with whom I have a child) was murdered. So there goes that!! I'm a geek, and there aren't a lot of guys around here that are, or that get me in that way. I guess I just want to begin a relationship with someone I already know...and that does imply meeting them first...but I don't want it to be all date-y like...you know. I want to have a relationship with someone I already know. Does that make sense??? :-/



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