my mom just emailed me, she told me that she and dad were watching a video of
some 8yo girl singing and told me her name so I could look her up and watch too.
I looked her up, her home page describes her as a gospel singer, so I wrote back
'no thanks, I hate gospel music :)'
I really dread the questions that may follow.

Here come the anxiety symptoms, LOL.

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In with the good air, and out with the bad.
Wow, she totally ignored it and just replied to other stuff I said that was unrelated.
Okay, so I just bury hints about my atheism in e-mails about unrelated things and maybe that will
slowly introduce her to the concept and there won't be lots of drama.
I've gotta go clean something.
Thanks for reminding me to breathe. :)
Good luck. I've told my mom I'm atheist at various points in my life and I don't think she's ever really believed it. But now I'm pretty active with the local atheist group and I think mom is starting to get more and more hints that it's true. I'm being tagged in various Facebook photos at various atheist events so it's getting pretty clear to mom that it's for real.

I don't think it's right that we're embarrassed for what we are. We shouldn't have to be in the closet like this.
I'm not one to give good advise to someone in your circumstances as my mom and I have always basically felt the same about religion. I'm new here and I have been seeing a lot of posts about the dilemma of telling people in our lives about our views on if there is a God or not.

I'f I'm pressed I just usually say something like "well I don't know if there is a God or not but I pray just in case". I try to avoid the subject altogether if I can.

But I'm beginning to think about the price we pay for not being more open with the people in our lives. I've never really thought a lot about it before. I am far from coming to a conclusion.

I wonder how I will fell about it in the future? I'm still evolving.

I love this website and am so exciteda about finding it.
Yeh, it's so easy to just go with the flow for the sake of 'keeping the peace', but is it REALLY keeping the peace when we don't speak up? I feel like a schmuck for not speaking out, as if I am some how condoning the behavior of people who would treat me badly if I did come out. And it's really absurd how they can spew Jesus all over me and they don't think THAT is rude, but if I were to say 'actually, i don't believe god/jesus/etc.' they'd FREAK and say that I was being rude. It's like they are all offering me a drink from the cup of insanity, and if I say 'no thank you' that is some unpardonable offense.
You said "And it's really absurd how they can spew Jesus all over me and they don't think THAT is rude, but if I were to say 'actually, i don't believe god/jesus/etc.' they'd FREAK and say that I was being rude

I know! Gets my goat! I get so sick of it. I get tired of always being so very gracious about it. Sometimes, secretly, I'd like to just once blurt out a great big teenage WHATEVER, though I am 49 years old lol!

My mom is the same way with me. I am still sort of in the closet on FB.
To me, atheism seems like the logical conclusion. Those believing so fully in something they don't even have a clue about seems ridiculous, and I easily let them know that. This includes my mother, who eventually agreed with me. As far as I am concerned, the church is a cult with twisted views of reality, and the beliefs are sometimes deranged. Ever hear them defend their god over what he had done to Job? His family was killed, everything he had gone, but it's okay because he got a new family. Yeah... then serial killers are just doing god's work.
That is a very good point. See, I'm an only child and my mom is pretty much obsessed with me- I'm not kidding. She has serious boundary issues, and I've had to keep firm boundaries in place for a long time now. Any time I ignore her crossing a boundary by one hair, she starts pushing more and more and more because she thinks I've 'come around' or something. It's exhausting.
About a year ago she sent me an e-mail telling me about her god interpretation of a TED talk I had informed her of (by the author of Stroke of Insight)- my mom REALLY gets into those near-death experience stories. She asked me what did I think about it, and I just said, "I think that all those lights and tunnels and things people see when they have a near death experience is just the result of their brain going crazy as their body is dying. I think that when you die, your body is just dead and that's the end."
Well, she kinda freaked and didn't reply to me till late that evening (she usually replies right away)- she said something like "I didn't know that you don't believe in god any more- when did you stop believing?".
This shit was giving me anxiety attacks from hell, so I just told her that I don't want to discuss what I believe and don't believe. She called me sobbing, asking me if I was still going to talk to her- I asked her why would I not want to talk to her and then she was sobbing with relief and told me she thought that I hated her now and wouldn't want to have anything to do with her any more. She has a bible verse as her e-mail signature, and I know it's for me because I am really the only person she e-mails.
Sometimes she gets REALLY goddy with me when we talk, and I just get quiet or change the subject, sometimes I tell her I disagree with what she's saying (about politics and such) but *I* have never come right out and said, "I do not believe in god, I'm an atheist" to her. I get hints from her that she assumes I still believe, and I haven't come out and squashed her hopes that I do.

Maybe last year really was my 'coming out' to my mom, and she just chooses denial, that's her choice. Maybe I have no real reason to feel so anxious about her 'finding out'. I'm still nervous about everyone else in the family finding out though- and about my in-laws finding out.
Thanks for prompting me to think this through some more, I appreciate it.
Children singing gospel music is some of the worst music ever created. She probably thinks you just hate gospel or that particular singer. A lot of xtains don't like gospel. I never did when I was one. You may have to be more direct with your hints. Good luck whatever you decide to do!
I read your last post Gin. I'm just shaking my head because I know it is an incredibly difficult situation.

Maybe she equates your possibly not believing with you will go to hell and burn forever and that hurts her a lot. Maybe she finds it hard to comprehend that something so terrible as that could happen to you and it brings a conflict for her to continue believing in her faith which can be extremely emotionally distressing. I am speculating here.

But is that reason enough to keep hiding your point of view? This is a dilemma I have been struggling with and is why I am interested in threads such as yours.

I'm not trying to persuade you one way or the other because I really don't know the answer right now.
I really don't know. I don't want to be 'ruled' by fear, but I am afraid of the way people may react. I don't want to cause anyone unnecessary pain. Once you do 'come out' you can't go back, the finality of such an act makes me weary. I'm not really afraid that my mom will disown me, I'm just afraid of the drama that could follow- I don't want to deal with her emotions about my not believing, I'm way too busy as it is dealing with my OWN baggage each day and I don't need someone else's on top of it. I don't want my dad to decide to call me to 'talk' to me about it- he never calls me unless there is some sort of 'drama'. I don't want my aunts to decide to call me or write me all of a sudden because my mom went crying to them asking them to pray for me and my family.
I already limit contact as much as I can, to shelter myself from the BS- my mom watches TBN and listens to nutter radio shows- she believes that we'll soon be using the Amero, the American version of the Euro and that we're moving toward a one world govt. that will severely limit our freedoms and will introduce the anti-christ as it's leader. Seriously.

I feel sad for my parents. I guess I've kind of decided that for right now I just won't think about their reaction to my atheism, I'm just going to be me and stop dwelling on what 'could' happen- it doesn't feel healthy to be afraid of what they might say/do all the time.
I need to stop letting myself 'own' their baggage and their decisions- if they freak out if/when they discover I am definitely an atheist, that's THEIR problem and I can just walk away. I have my life to live, for me- this is the only one I get.




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