Not counting the first 8 years (blame those on my parents - when I could think rationally I did), I have been a life-long atheist. I put that right in my profile ALWAYS. So why is it almost every message I get is from someone who claims to be an xtian? I understand it from the people who just message me with a "hi" or a "let's hook up" (they can't read big words), but from people who have an otherwise nice and interesting profile or people who obviosly read mine thoroughly..I just don't get it.

If your profile says "Christian and quite serious about it" why would you try to date an "atheist and quite serious about it"?

Do they really think they could convert me this late in the game?

Xtians make no sense to me..


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I connected with the girl of my dreams on OKC recently. She's kind of a theist but it doesn't matter. Religion is just like baldness, fatness, political views, anything else that are on peoples list of won't like if. They are shallow at times and you could be missing something great if you have the pigeon hole mentality that someone has to fit your list of perfection. There are greater things that make a relationship work.
Hey Peggy, How's Holland this time of year? The fall colors must be beautiful up there soon. I live in Dearborn, Michigan. Have a good day.
My experience on many dating sites is that too many men consider themselves as god's gift to women (I just cannot find a better expression), no matter what or who they are.    Whatever a woman says or wants, they are not bothered to take it for serious.   
In all my profiles, I explicitly state, that I am only looking for a childfree atheist, besides a few other criteria.   Of those men, who contact me, 99% are not compatible, they just disregard my search criteria.  
When I look at men's profiles, they follow the same pattern.   They publish a picture, think that every woman falls for them, but they are not bothered to fill in such basic information as for example religion.
If a man wants a serious committed monogamous relationship, intellectual intimacy requires  agreement on such a fundamental thing as is being rational and not a foolish believer, that is not fit to be respected.     When a religious man is willing to tolerate an atheist, then I am very suspicious, that he disrespects her so much, that he just wants to use her body but is not interested in her personality and her brain.

I've gone on and off dating sites for years without any luck and I wonder why I even bother with them, having never even gotten to the level of going out on a date with anyone I've met through one.  Perhaps the problems include that I'm an avowed atheist in a bible belt city, that I don't have enough self-esteem to pretend to be Mr. Wonderful, that I'd prefer someone who lives relatively close (as in, say no more than an hour's drive away), and, oh, yeah, that we share some common interests and outlooks, and that I'm not interested in becoming a father, although I wouldn't reject someone with children if otherwise we seem to be a good match and are attracted to one another.  At least I am involved in many social outlets, including two local atheist groups and book discussion groups.  I used to be intensely introverted, which was definitely detrimental to my romantic life, but although I'm nowhere near as shy as I used to be and in some of the groups I belong to I'm not shy at all about speaking up, trying to initiate a possible relationship with a woman I'm attracted to remains very difficult for me. 

Last year, my new stepmother, a Filipina who is nearly 40 years younger than my dad, tried to set me up with another Filipina who was visiting in Clearwater -- we had dinner at my dad's house, but while she was physically attractive, based on our conversation we had no common interests at all.  The next day, before I was due to drive home, at my dad's urging I called her up to see if she wanted to get together for lunch but she said she was going to church.  I was actually pretty relieved as I wasn't really interested in her and talking with her was tedious.

Fred, I don't think that any of the things you listed are really the cause of the issues you're facing, because I have the same problem, and yet I'm nearly the opposite of you in many respects.  For instance, I'm in one of the most liberal places in the nation, have plenty of self-esteem, don't care about distance, and want to be a father - and yet I can't find anyone to date, either.

So I think it's an issue that transcends stuff like location and children. More of a problem with our society in general. 

Egads, Michael, I'm not sure whether I should feel better or worse!  At least I am getting out to spend time with friends and acquaintances and occasionally meeting new people, rather than sitting at home pining away every night over not having anyone to love. 

Agreed. Whatever one's situation, always make the best of it.

too many men consider themselves as god's gift to women

I'm afraid that that's a complaint that crosses most boundaries.  A recent study found that over 90% of single women consider themselves to be "much better than average".  I find this all the time, that many women simply will not deign to even talk to me because they feel I am not up to their level.

they are not bothered to fill in such basic information as for example religion.

Again, this is equally true of women. Over two-thirds of the women on the sites I've been on have blanks like this. I see it as an attempt to resist categorization, which is certainly a legitimate reason, even if it is somewhat frustrating.

they just disregard my search criteria.

I can kind of see why this should be true. First of all, not everyone feels equally strongly about how closely things need to "match".  One person may be adamant about having similar preferences, others may be more flexible. So you can't always take things as being cut-and-dried. And secondly, if I only contacted people who matched me 100%, I would never speak to anyone.  You just have to use your judgement - and that doesn't always bring everyone to the same conclusions.

Finally, not everyone insists on as strict an interpretation of 'agreement' as you have specified. So your characterization isn't entirely fair; many people are just more tolerant of others. It would be nice if I could meet a woman who is an atheist, but I'm not going to turn down a otherwise good person just because she doesn't agree with everything I believe. And there are a lot of theists who are equally accepting.

I connected with the the girl of my dreams on OKC. We were only 40% compatible by OKC. It doesn't hurt to to test what ever waters you find, even when someone doesn't meet your criteria.

Can't you be serious about your religion and still date someone without faith?


I don't really see the problem.  I have many Christian friends and dated many.  Religion was never an issue with someone genuinely looking for a relationship. 

There can be ... complications.  Kids bring up a whole collection of potential problems, if you're planning on having some.  Would you be content to let your wife brainwash your kids into religion?


There's also a simple matter of respect.  I can accept a little bit of irrationality.  Hell, I'm sure I've got a few bits of my own.  I just couldn't seriously respect someone who is religious to the point that it effects their life in any way ... at least not well enough for a serious romantic relationship.


Besides, I cross over the line from atheist to anti-theist.  Most theists aren't going to be particularly happy with the things I say about religion, on stage.

There can be complications, but there don't always HAVE to be.

I would be ok with someone who explained their point of view to the kids, then let them decide on their own. My parents did that. 

Not all religious people are dogmatic about things. In my experience, very few are extreme.


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