A few months ago I was confronted with one of many difficult situations I have been faced with due to my family. I grew up in an extremely catholic household, religious to an extent where is encompasses every moment of every day. Needless to say I left my parents house practically the second the college acceptance letters came.
I currently live at my university and when I am not there I am with my partner out of state. Last Thanksgiving I was unable to make that trip due to money and was also unable to stay on campus because it closed entirely over the break. So I had planned to spend the week at my parents house. I do speak with them and have a strained relationship, but I have not stayed at their house for quite a long time. Since my first year at college. While I do not live excessively far from their house and they could come to visit at any point, they chose not to. You would think that being told as I was brought up "nothing in this house is yours, it is all ours, we just let you live here", would be an understandable reason as to why I do not want to stay with them, but I suppose that has gone into the denial file along with everything else they have done and will do. With my family the message has always been that they are without flaw and I have to reach out to them, they owe me nothing in return.
The night before I was set to leave campus I got a message from my father saying that they expected me to attend church with them while I was there. Months earlier I had told my parents that I would not be attending church at any point, whether I was on campus, at their house, or elsewhere. I was very firm and it seemed to be over at the time. Knowing my family I was not naieve enough to think that it was really over, but I supposed I hoped that it was.
That message turned into my being told that if I was to stay at their house I would have to abide by their rules and go to mass. I considered it because I didn't have many options but at the end it seemed that I would be setting a dangerous precedent if I obliged. It would have been saying that it was alright for them to ambush and force me into doing as they wished, that their ultimatums and tricks would continue to work. That said, I hustled to figure out what to do last minute and ended up staying with a friend. My parents didn't even care to check in to see if I made it to her house or not (I had to take quite a few buses to get picked up, this was extremely last minute).
I stand by my decision and I know it was the right thing to do to stand up to their ultimatum and show that they couldn't push me around as they could when I was younger. I really wish I had a place like this to turn to for support when I was dealing with that situation, as well as others as with my family it seemed that if it's not one issue it's another. So, I wanted to tell my story and get some feedback for the future as I don't know many people who have had to deal with family as religiously extreme as my own. I have a great support system, but it can be hard to relate to someone who has never experienced the extreme of what you have. It's very difficult to deal with these issues at times and I can't help but feel guilty and worry that I am a bad person for standing up for myself although I know that is not the case.
You should have gone to church and called the minister to the mat when he said something stupid. Your folks would have fainted from embarrassment.
New suit $489
New shoes $43.95
The look on your folks face when the congregation learns of their failed religious child-rearing $$PRICELESS$$
LMAO. I'd pay to see a video of that. ;)
Logan, you're not a bad person for standing up for yourself. Your parents are being manipulative, which is a shame considering that you're in college and on a fast track to adulthood. They don't have to like the fact you don't go to church, but they should realize that your independence from them is inevitable and isn't meant to be a "dig" at them personally.