I've been dating this girl for a while now, and I knew she was Catholic. I knew that going into it and I accept that. She knows that I'm an Atheist.
The other day somehow we got on the subject of abortion. I simply told her that I'm pro-choice, and don't think that I have any say in what a woman does with her body. She responds by telling me that women that would consider getting an abortion are "failures as women"(I'm quoting).
I was forced to sit there an smile and not say a thing because it left no room for discussion. I had no idea what to say to that.
I feel like I should run away from this girl and not look back, despite the fact that we seem to be compatible in every other way. Should I over look this, or slap myself for thinking that a relationship with this girl would actually work out?
oh my lungs can't handle smoking! LoL (my parents' 3 packs/day kept me sick for 17 years! more child abuse... sigh).
I choke endlessly and pee myself... but I want to look into vaporizers... ô.ô
What does "failures as women" mean anyway? To me it sounds scarily like the idea that pregnancy, childbirth, and child-rearing are the sole purpose of female existence. It sounds like an idea whose underpinning is the belief that women are only valuable to society as reproductive vessels. But that's just a guess from a stranger. If I were you, I'd start by asking her what she thinks makes a woman a success as a woman. What is her understanding of the role of reproduction in the female experience? Why does she feel that she can so confidently declare such a large group of women (all those who would even consider abortion) as failures?
Yeah, I'd have a lot of questions.
I'd also be inclined to tell her she sounds like someone who doesn't know much about women's experiences with abortion. Women who consider and who have abortions are a diverse group. Among us there are those who are single, married, and partnered... there are those of us who are mothers of children already, those who are childfree by choice, those who may hope to become mothers later in life, and those who just aren't sure... we are diverse of skin color, diverse of gender identity, diverse of ability, age, income, and ideology. But we are probably in some way performing our gender on a daily basis. Really now, who is she to say that we aren't being women successfully? I might give her a copy of Susan Wicklund's "This Common Secret" and see what she makes of it.
My significant other's mother worked for a family planning center in Georgia, once. Oh the stories she had.
My favorite is about those women she'd see on both sides of the picket line. They look a bit different without their little banners waving. Because there are three things that will make even a lot of pro-lifer's consider abortion: rape, incest, and me.
When I hear the phrase "failure as a woman," that tells me that there is some preconceived notion of what a woman is "supposed" to be. There may be more to that than just not having abortions. Many think women aren't "supposed" to make more than men, or "supposed" to like to wear pink and dresses rather than jeans and flannel, or "supposed" to want to spend the day shopping rather than play some sport considered masculine.
If she has such notions about women, then she probably has them about men too. Men are "supposed" to know how to fix everything mechanical and build stuff, and "supposed" to be able to lift all heavy stuff, and "supposed" to not be into art and flowers, etc. Do you have anything you do that she might not see as manly? If so, are you prepared to completely squash that activity or thing you may like to fit her ideas of what a man is supposed to be? Oh, and don't forget that the "manly provider" provides most of the financial support. Hope you have a good job. ;-)
I really hate gender rules and think they all should be thrown in the garbage. It's just another case of people trying to force others to be just like them instead of respecting other people's differences.