As weird as it is, I think it was the attitude of my former "fellow" Christians that started me on the road to doubt. Even though I've got a bachelors in Physics and have generally held a belief in evolution and big bang cosmology for most of the believing stage of my life, it really wasn't science that brought up questions(cognitive dissonance at its best). I think I've always generally never had a connection with anyone in any church I had ever attended. Mainly since most Christians, especially in the south, are non-intellectuals. But I think it really started when I began listening to extreme metal. I couldn't understand how anyone could look down on something that I loved so much and felt so natural to listen to. I can't tell you how many people have told me that its "the devils music"(even though most of the lyrics are socio-political).

Of course later on I did my research and discovered how ridiculous my former beliefs were. So who or what started you on your path to disbelief?

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For the first time, I began to suspect that the bad guys were doing well and the good guys were gone forever. I felt that my faith was helpless

I yielded. Nothing changed!

I prayed. Nothing changed!

I obeyed. Nothing changed!

I submitted. Nothing changed!

I turned the other cheek. Nothing changed!

I loved him to the lord. Nothing changed! 

I realized to yield, pray, obey, submit, turn the other cheek, and to love is the passive voice.

I need to think in terms of the active voice. I stood up for myself, I made demands, I set limits, I refused to turn the other cheek, I learned to hate violence, domination, exploitation, submission. 

I heard the active voice. I know there is no god and I have the ability to think and reason, I have compassion for others. I know I have to take responsibility for my safety and quality of life. I am able and willing to take action. Everything changed. 

I first seriously questioned my theism when I read Francis Crick's 'The Astonishing Hypothesis' in the mid 1990s. I was so angry at him that I threw the book out. But the seed of disbelief was sown. After reading Dawkins, Dennet, Hitchins and Harris the last flickerings of theism faded for me. And I was no longer angry.  I accepted that there were no gods and got on with taking responsibility for leading the best life I could based on what I understood to be the truth about the human condition, about the universe and our place in it. 




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