For the first time, I began to suspect that the bad guys were doing well and the good guys were gone forever. I felt that my faith was helpless
I yielded. Nothing changed!
I prayed. Nothing changed!
I obeyed. Nothing changed!
I submitted. Nothing changed!
I turned the other cheek. Nothing changed!
I loved him to the lord. Nothing changed!
I realized to yield, pray, obey, submit, turn the other cheek, and to love is the passive voice.
I need to think in terms of the active voice. I stood up for myself, I made demands, I set limits, I refused to turn the other cheek, I learned to hate violence, domination, exploitation, submission.
I heard the active voice. I know there is no god and I have the ability to think and reason, I have compassion for others. I know I have to take responsibility for my safety and quality of life. I am able and willing to take action. Everything changed.
I first seriously questioned my theism when I read Francis Crick's 'The Astonishing Hypothesis' in the mid 1990s. I was so angry at him that I threw the book out. But the seed of disbelief was sown. After reading Dawkins, Dennet, Hitchins and Harris the last flickerings of theism faded for me. And I was no longer angry. I accepted that there were no gods and got on with taking responsibility for leading the best life I could based on what I understood to be the truth about the human condition, about the universe and our place in it.