Testosterone And Demisexuality
I just discovered the concept of what is called 'Demisexuality'.
Demisexuals are asexuals who only experience secondary sexual attraction to people they know personally, usually based on some kind of emotional connection, whether platonic or romantic. They can’t feel sexually attracted to strangers, celebrities, or people they don’t very well. So demisexuality is all about sexual attraction, just like asexuality is all about the lack of sexual attraction.
My first reaction was to be very pleased. I have finally found a label for what I am looking for in a man.
(And I am still hoping, that a man, who identifies with this description and is an AN member in my age group will contact me.)
But on second thought I am wondering, about other possible interpretations of this part of the definition.
"sexual attraction to people they know personally, usually based on some kind of emotional connection, whether platonic or romantic. They can’t feel sexually attracted to strangers, celebrities, or people they don’t very well."
Demi as French for 'half' implies a reduction. I have my doubts, that such a distinction between primary and secondary sexual attraction is enough to justify the priority of one over the other as a deficit. I am even reluctant to call one primary and the other secondary.
Considering the complex human brain and the power of human cognition, I have doubts, that something triggered by cognition rather than by instinctive subconscious reactions is really less or secondary. I see alternative input channels for the stimulation of instinctive behavior only as differences.
Demisexuality it a fairly new concept and I found no scientific information on google concerning my dissenting perception.
Due to the general function of testosterone, it seems very probable, that an asexual man has a lower testosterone level than a promiscuous jerk.
But to define demisexuality as either a reduction or not, an indication for an answer could be found by a comparison of the testosterone level of demisexual men and of men, who are monogamous by a conscious moral decision of consideration and responsibility.
Does anybody know anything more?
If you want more information your best bet is to go to asexuality.org. I know of at least one demisexual woman on there. I haven't been there in months, though.
I did join asexuality.org and provoked some strong reactions, when I dared to doubt in a posting, that being triggered differently as in demisexual can really be defined as asexual. I got the impression to be between people fighting ideologically to define themselves and that a critical and distant view is not welcome. If you are interested, the discussion is in the gray sub-forum.
As there are so many scientifically thinking people here on AN, I thought that maybe someone here happens to know anything concerning research on Testosterone.
when I dared to doubt in a posting, that being triggered differently as in demisexual can really be defined as asexual.
Yeah, I don't get that either. Never said anything, though
I like the unconfrontational and rarely antagonistic style of people on AN. Else I shut up very soon.
Interesting. I don't know anything about this. I am predominately attracted to those who find me attractive, which means, of course, that I have to know them in real life. I don't think I've ever been moved by a famous person or a picture.
It's no surprise that people on these forums will fight ideologically to define themselves, because there are just too many different types of people in the world, especially when it comes to sexuality.
I don't know that being demisexual makes anyone less likely to cheat. I, and, I would imagine, most men are capable of forming connections with lots of different women. I have loving relationships with most of the women I have sex with. I am not monogamous, and can't imagine ever wanting to be.
I don't know that being demisexual makes anyone less likely to cheat.
They are unable to cheat, that is a part of the concept.
Why do you think that?
By the definition as quoted at the beginning of the original post. Cheating is usually a jerk's merely sexual infatuation without emotions as his contrast program to the emotional relationship with the cheated on wife. There can be exceptions, but this just seems not to fit the definition.
I cannot imagine a demisexual man systematically allowing emotional connections to grow with a second partner for the purpose of cheating, the investment seems too high compared with the benefits. Cheating is usually triggered by the lack of self-control over passions, only in this case, the benefits for the jerk seem to be higher than the investment.
It has been my experience that many men start with an emotional cheat, and it leads to sex. Men love doing it with different women, and they love the attention that different women give them. I do too, but I am honest about it.
Demisexuality. It stirred some thought, a chuckle, a memory, and another chuckle.
The thought. My wife and I in the early 1970s met a couple who introduced us to spouse swapping. A third couple was involved and I liked that we met for eros (swapping) and non-eros (short hikes and picnics). Great fun.
A chuckle. While in the US Navy in the early 1950s I was stationed for a while in San Diego California, near the bars and brothels of Tiajuana Mexico. A shipmate from my home town who regularly visited the brothels offered to help me start doing what a few sailors do and many sailors talk about doing. I went with him but felt no desire to do anything with women I didn't know.
The memory. Some of my lack of interest was due to distrust of women. While in sixth grade, I told my mom I liked a girl in my class. She ridiculed me and, hurt, I resolved to never again tell her anything important.
Her verbal violence was not a one-time thing. About twelve years later while I was in college, I drove home one weekend. Mom told me my kid sister, who was in her early teens, was "too interested in boys" and she (my mom) didn't know whether to ridicule or criticize her. I "gathered up all the ice I had" and told mom to be glad my sister was talking to her.
Decades after my parents died, in a movie set in south Germany (where some of my forebears had lived) the English-speaking narrator said that working adults seldom spoke because doing so would interfere with their work and they would be considered good for nothing. Often while young I had heard that children should be seen and not heard, and when I heard the narrator's words I suddenly understood my parents' silence and their need for silent children.
Another chuckle. I now tell people I joined Toastmasters and have been talking ever since.
Is demisexuality more complicated than just a shortage of testosterone?
Sad story, Tom. Nothing like ridiculing and criticizing your kids. Good parenting. It makes me appreciate my parents.
Demisexuality is definitely more complicated than a shortage of testosterone.