1 – In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
2 – The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.
If the earth was Formless and Empty…… where the hell was this water he hovered over? And how can something be Formless? Shouldn’t it read: And the earth was Round, and Empty?
3 – And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
Ok wait a minute… If there was no light previously then how did he know he was moving over the waters, and that the earth was formless, or empty? (Nutty)
4 – And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
As opposed to ‘Bad Light’?
5 – God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.
So the Afternoon was popped in at some later date? I guess we shall see.
(Is it just me of is this so far reading like a childrens book?)
6 – And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters..
Ok now wait just a second here!! A what? And as far as I can tell there is only One type of Water. Unless he means Rain from the clouds and if so, just call it rain. (Silly)
7 – And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.
8 – And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.
Ok my head hurts over this one. The firmament is named sky? Why the name change? Firmament could feasible work just as well as sky! And still no afternoon to be seen. What does he have against the afternoon? Or is afternoon a new 3rd ‘Water’ yet to be re-named? (Wacky)
9 – And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.
Ok this one almost made sense. It came really close. So I take it that there was just one island, or continent? That must explain Pangea, and Panthalassa. Hmmm…
10 – And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.
Just one question…. Seas? Plural? Really? When did he sneak in another ‘Water’? He is trying to pull a fast one here, and I don’t think I like it.
11 – And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.
Ok why does he refer to a tree as having a “His Kind?” this one almost makes sense, aside from the fact that he is forced to having to “Say” what will happen instead of just thinking, or willing it. Who is he talking to? He must be talking to himself. (Schizo?)
12 – And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
13 – And the evening and the morning were the third day.
Ok is anyone else wondering why an “All Powerful” god is taking so long to create little piddly things, when he created the Heavens and The Earth in one snap of his fingers?
14 – And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:
15 – And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.
Didn’t he already create day and night? Did they suddenly join up again while I wasn’t watching? (Boggles my mind.)
16 – And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.
Why make the stars? The nightlight wasn’t bright enough?
17 – And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,
Maybe I am confused, but weren’t the Firmament & the Heaven different things? Ooooh! That God guy is a sneaky one!
18 – And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.
19 – And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
Ok no comment. I’m still waiting for the Afternoon to show up to the party.
20 – And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.
Ok now wait a damn second. Was the person who wrote this cranked up on cocaine? He brings forth the moving creature that hath life. Of course because bringing forth the moving creature that hath NO life could cause nightmares for the bunnies, and duckies, and shit.
21 – And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
My head is killing me and I am only in Genesis. So the Whales moveth? I would think that they would swimeth! And why is he mentioning damn spoiled Fowl again? He already made those fuckers!
22 – And God blessed them, saying, ‘Be fruitful, and multiply’, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.
Damn the stupid Fowl. What about Dinosaurs, or if thats a stretch, how about Mammals, insects, etc?
23 – And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.
Gee!! God works hard dontcha think?
24 – And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.
Finally!! The Fowl aren’t the only participants in this debacle of a world meeting anymore.
25 – And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
I’m losing my mind I think…. Did someone slip me Acid, or is he still using the word “His”? They are fuckin animals, and creepeth things. Gimme just a break to try and catch up…..
26 – And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
Uhm….ok yeah, uhm. When he says Let us make man in our image, after our likeness I really, really need to know exactly who he is reffering to. I’m pretty sure “Us” and “Our” implies more than one entity, person, etc. I can’t be sure because I’m currently trying to stop what remains of my brains from leaking out of my ear.
27 – So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and *female* created he them.
Oooh here is my favorite part!! Aside from the fact that he could win first place in a contest to impersonate Yoda! God created he him; male and *female* created he them. LOL
28 – And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
What about those that creepeth? He must not have mentioned them because he didn’t want to unsettle the woman who just appeared.**Spoiler** The woman gets kicked out cus she wants to be on top during the act of being fruity, I mean Fruitful. Oh and her name is Lilith.
Highlight the empty line above to see the spoiler. (Shh!)
29 – And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.
Tree’s yeild meat? Wow, ya learn something new everyday.
30 – And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.
31 – And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
That’s it? I was so looking forward to what attribute he gave “The Afternoon.” I guess we will have to wait until next time.
(I am including the first three parts of Genesis 2 because this part of the book isn’t finished until you read them.)
1 – Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them.
1) The Host of what now?
2 – And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.
2) God rested on the 7th Day? Why would God need to rest?
3 – And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made.
" 2 – And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.
2) God rested on the 7th Day? Why would God need to rest? "
...maybe he ran out of mana :))
rest....... /alt + R