I grew up in anti-sexual times in the anti-sexual Catholic religion.
My ignorance, and my wife's, harmed our marriage. Happily, for many people those times are gone.
One topic I want to explore is the part erotica/pornography has in people's lives.
Specifically, I'm in my eighties and my choicest fantasies relate to my having been born, without my consent, into an often tyrannical and occasionally violent home. My fantasies have for decades entertained me but I don't want the corresponding activity in any real relationship I make.
Is anyone interested, or able, or daring?
...we're in antisexual times now.
Relative to the 1960s, yes. Relative to the 1940s and earlier, NO.
Those times were bizarre and the list of bizarreries (it's in OED) was long.
Everything ... needs to be weighed, or it's sexism.
The stuff men got away with was sexism and quitting habits isn’t easy. The ancient Chinese had a relevant curse: "May you live in a time of change." Much has changed since the 1950s.
I did some S/M kink and agree that it's a more intense kind of foreplay. It might result from low self esteem. A sadist might say, "If you accept pain I will know you love me." A masochist might say, "I need you so much that I will accept pain."
I'm 84 and have a few age-inappropriate pinup pix on walls. I write my own porn; it exercises my mind.
I have no real hangups except for the fact that I don't like kink, or bondage, or playing cop or doctor, etc. I'm not into pain of any kind or scat in any way. Some of it for me was just common sense. The things I don't do is just the way I flowed.
Erotica is good but porn movies really suck. They have gross sex acts and are filmed for the viewer and not the way things are really done. If I did cunniligus, for example, the way it's done in films I would be laughed at. If I watch porn I don't like the sound on because the fake noises drive me nuts. Some people tell me they would watch porn if it had a good "plot." I thought it was all about screwing. How many "plots can you have to that?
When my wife lived with me we did pretty good until others started talking sex with her. I think women talk that more than men do. Before long you are trying something that seems impossible. A couple that had a sex swing hanging from the cieling and they lived in a mobile home. Oh, come on now. Who in the hell would believe that one? It won't support your weight.
Michael, for several years I was a shift supervisor at San Francisco Sex Information. Callers' ages ranged from five to sixty-plus years. In a three-hour shift each volunteer averaged 15-16 calls. I told newly-trained volunteers, "If you have any hangups you don't know about, our eight- and nine-year-old callers will help you find them."
Most volunteers hadn't had any sex ed and were at SFSI because they wanted to make it available to young callers. Many, like I, had quit Catholicism. For me, SFSI was a remedy for RC "poison".
We talked about distinguishing erotica from porn and concluded that doing so is much like saying "What I do is okay and what you do is not okay."
Most porn movies made by men are about screwing and are so monotonous that they "suck loudly". Most porn movies made by women have plots.
Fifteen years before I was at SFSI, my wife lived in Texas. She was teaching fifth grade and the school system had a comprehensive sex ed program that started in second grade.
Owning that sex swing probably entertained their friends. Using it would have pulled the ceiling down and maybe awakened their neighbors.
About most woman-made porn movies having plots, many of those plots deal with more than feminism. Some of them deal with majority (= straight white male) attitudes toward other minorities.
Other minorities? Yes. In the US of A women have long been treated like racial and other minorities.
Here, many laws are anti-sexuality and much of the psychological training they give those in the law, regarding human sexuality and development are anti-scientific and indeed wrong.
It has become the case that things we considered normal as children and childhood interactions that had nothing to do with sexuality in our minds at the time are now frowned upon and considered bad.
There has become a massive and irrational cultural cringe, regarding sexuality in general.
Many of the modern laws we are facing, not only concerning sexuality, but in general are now not even thought our rationally, as many are simply knee-jerk reactions to public outcry. It appears nobody wants to sit down and do some rational critical thinking in the justice system.
Or maybe they are incapable of this.
DD, I don't know Australian laws or training. I hope you will identify what's anti-scientific or wrong.
I agree that kids do things without sexual intent that stirs sexual thoughts or responses in adults. Many parents called SFSI and asked what we did. Almost all of them thanked us for answering their kids' questions. One man told me he didn't want his 16-year-old daughter to about sex. If she talks with her friends, she knows a lot more than he does.
Here in the US of A, the GOP religious right do strike fear into GOP politicians. In California we have a "consenting adults" law that protects sexual minorities. Another law requires schools that have sex ed programs to teach facts, not the GOP religious right's fiction.
Much of my early childhood and my siblings, cousins etc.., mirrored some of the ideas of Freud, but when I got into an argument with a person trained to work in corrections concerning psychology and in particular Sigmund Freud, she denied that children behave that way Freud observed.
She told me that they have totally dismissed all of Freud's ideas in their training.
Yet, I don't agree with most of Freudian concepts, some of his ideas must have come from observation and it matched much of my observation concerning the behaviour of children during the 1960s.
I think his Oedipus Complex was a bit of a stab in the dark, and ultimately wrong, but other ideas of Freud which they have completely thrown out, were and are still valid.
They have thrown the baby out with the bathwater, in the name of political/social correctness, because Freud's observations are somewhat distasteful.
This is indeed a form of Institutionalized Irrational Cognitive Bias.
There are other issues, but this was the first that showed dogmatic ignorance of past research, in the name of bias.
It is the same bias I noticed in theism, if it is tasteful or gives our lives meaning it is truth, if it is distasteful to humanity, it is wrong, even though it is natural in all apes/mammal species.
Because we are humans, we must not have such behaviour.
This is ridiculously naive.
DD, you seem committed to Freud despite all that has changed since his time.
If you want to hear the views of others,, I hope you will start a discussion.
Though that Imam who stated that if you masturbate, your hand will get pregnant when you die, which has some girls too frightened to try it.
DD, do you have evidence of that claim's having frightened girls too much to try masturbation?