Please to be regaling us with your favorite puns. I'll start:

A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution.

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Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
Three vampire bats flap into their favorite bar one dawn, to unwind after a long night of flying about. The bartender slides over to take their orders. Bat #1 orders the usual, as does Bat #2. Bat #3 orders up a plasma instead of the usual, to which the bartender replies..

"So that's a Blood, a Blood, and a Blood Lite?"

ha! I won't even get into what Bud means in Irish.
I don't know if this counts... but... must share!!

What happens if you don't pay your exorcist?

You get repossessed!!

Burn, baby, burn!
You may have heard the news story about the Chilean miners who are trapped about a mile down below the surface. They requested that the rescuers send them down some liquor, but the rescuers refused. The reason? You aren't allowed to serve alcohol to miners.

Mimes are determined to remain silent, to say the least.

I don't know what possessed me to attend that seance.

I didn't want to buy leather shoes, but eventually I was suede.

I've failed the mathematics test so many times I lost count.

When making butter there is little margarine for error.

Contrary to singers and guitarists, bass players are very low-key.

The food taster quit his job because he had too much on his plate.

I decide which beer to drink on a case by case basis.

I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn't help me.

Have you heard about that online origami store? It folded.

I tried to learn how to drive a stick shift but couldn't locate the manual.

The fence builders were upset with their working conditions, so the started to picket.

Experts say the cost of funerals have risen by 50%, they blame it on the cost of living.

The Alpine Skiing competition started poorly and went downhill from there.

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

When the prisoner was told by his lawyer that he had gotten a stay of execution, he smiled and said, 'Well, no noose is good noose.'

I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.

My boyfriend and I started to date after he backed his car into mine. We met by accident.

The raisin wined about how he couldn't achieve grapeness.

Two goldfish are in their tank. One goldfish turns to the other and says, "You man the guns, I'll drive."

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here." The mushroom responds, "Why not? I'm a fun guy!"

A bar of gold walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Eh, you, we don't serve your kind here."

(It helps to say the last two out loud...)
Took me a minute to get the gold joke. Element jokes are funny periodically.
So long as you don't table the periodic discussion.




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