Please to be regaling us with your favorite puns. I'll start:

A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution.

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Long one:

A frog was sitting on a lily pad and realized that it really was getting run down. Wanting a better pad he soon realized that he might be able to finance a new pad. So he gathered his information and went to the local bank.

Upon entering the bank, he asked to speak to someone about financing his new lily pad. But no one would help him, in fact they ignored him. He thought that just because he was a frog didn't mean that he should be treated with respect. So he hopped into the elevator and pushed the button for the top floor.

When the doors opened, he saw a large foyer with great oak doors on the far side. To the right of the doors was a desk with a friendly-looking lady behind it. In front of her was a name placard: Patricia Black.

"Excuse me, Ms. Black" the frog croaked, "but I would like to see the bank president, Mr Simmons."

The lady looked at him and said, "I am sorry, but the Mr. Simmons is very busy today."

"I asked downstairs to see someone about financing a new lily pad but everyone ignored me. I feel like they didn't want to talk to me because I am a frog!"

"Well that should NOT have happened, sir, I apologize," she replied, "we have a nondiscrimination policy here at the bank. I will see if I can fit you into Mr. Simmon's schedule."

As luck would have it, Mr. Simmons had just gotten off the phone and after a quick chat with Ms. Black she brought the frog into a cavernous office behind the large oak doors.

"Well, Mr. Frog," Mr. Simmons began, "what can I help you with today?"

"I came to see about setting up a mortgage for a new lily pad," the frog replied. "I need to borrow $20,000."

"I see," said Mr. Simmons. "Mr. Frog, you realize that when the bank lends you money that you need to provide some sort of collateral to back the money. A lily pad, no offense intended, is not adequate to cover for $20,000. Do you have any other collateral?"

The frog reached into his pocket, pulled out a snow globe, shook it a few times, and put it on the desk in front of Mr. Simmons.

"Ah," said Mr. Simmons, "That will do just fine, Mr. Frog." To Ms. Black, who was still standing near the door, he said, "Patricia, would you please arrange for someone to draw up the paperwork?"

She thought Mr. Simmons had lost his mind. "A snow globe as collateral $20,000?!"

Mr Simmons understood her confusion and said, "It's a knick knack, Patti Black, give the frog a loan!"
From Fark: "Mail deliveries being interrupted due to terrifying seagulls. Subby suggests throwing rocks at them; leave no tern unstoned."
A friend of mine sent me this when I asked him about some confusing work issues. He has this strangely fascinating ability to make a pun out of anything.

"I have found a new device to help me make decisions. It turns out that I always need someone to take any statement I might make and argue the other side to give me a balance. Since I couldn't find anyone to be around me regularly I trained a fruit instead. It is my devil's advocato.
Two ants were arguing on a toilet seat and they both got pissed off.
You mean they were a couple of pissant pissed ants?
A king that lived on a tropical island, in a house made of grass, had a habit of collecting all sort of exotic thrones. He had dozens of different thrones. Eventually his subjects began to warn him that if he didn't cease buy thrones his palace wouldn't be able to hold them all.

He ignored their warnings, and sure enough, his house collasped.

Moral of the story?

"People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones."


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