I live in a very religious town, so I hear this saying about 2 or 3 times every week, whether it be to me or someone near me.  I usually don't respond when it is said to me, but what do you think a good response would be?

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Jesus loves you too, everyone else thinks you're a fill in appropriate noun
My wife has this anecdote that I will atempt to do justice to involving an entire chorus of retarded children singing "Jesus Loves Me". Apparently, instead of being taught to feed themselves, part their hair, tie their shoes, or anything that may have been usefull, they were taught how to perform this song. My wife's response anyway was to say that if that is what Jesus does w people he loves, then she was glad to have been left well enuf alone.


"Tell me about it, I had to get a restraining order"!

"Yeah, but Zeus gives better reach-arounds"

"I didn't know zombies could love"

"Yeah, but his dad's a real asshole"

*with a bewildered look* Tell him to stop calling me! I've had it up to here with his passive-aggressive antics!




Great, one more person to block on facebook...




"Well that's great and all, but tell him I still have that rash..."




"Thanks, now if you have any other imaginary friends to inform me of their amorous intentions...don't"




"Great! But Pan thinks you're a dick"

"Jesus loves you!!!"

"then why did he make it burn when i have to pee?"

That's not jesus' fault :[

Off to the doctors to get penicillan!

"Allah is most gracious,most merciful!"

How much does that mean to you? Ok, now STFU.

Or, "Allahu akbar! Lulululululululululu!"

But he never returns my calls...

"Well, isn't that special?"  (Remember 'the Church Lady"?)

"May the Goddess of the Tree spread her gracious limbs above you, and may the Sun God Ra shine his light upon you, and may........................."  With a warm smile and a clear intent to continue my blessing ad finitum.

Love the Church Lady!


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