If you gotta react, OVERREACT! Nothing succeeds like excess!
He told you that? Why on earth would he tell you? Or...are you just a snoopy asshole digging through the magic sky guy's files?
Father christmas loves you.
My new favorite reply is, "I love Lamp!"
OK how about replying, "Yes, but does he love me in a Biblical sense?"
Make a movie about the RCC showing its sordid history of wholesale slaughter of Arian bishops, "witches," Gnostics, Muslims, and Jews all to the soundtrack of "Yes, Jesus loves you!/Yes, Jesus loves you!/Yes, Jesus loves you/The Bible tells us so." (Any resemblance to an anti-Romney TV ad from Obama is purely by inspiration.)
Everytime I read a post on this topic, I think of that song and am again astounded that anyone with a brain can think "The Bible Tells us so" is a good reason to believe.
"I know you're trying to be nice and break the ice with me. I appreciate that. However, not everyone is of the same religion in this country. Some are nonbelievers of any faith. Tell me, how would you feel if a Muslim bestowed Allah's blessing upon you? What if a Wiccan said she'd light a candle for your benefit? Or an Atheist --well? Just wish you a good day--now, that one's not too bad, is it? Anyone can wish you a good day. But would the others offend you? If not, then that's fine. But, if you do not wish to have the blessings or love of a deity you do not believe in, how do you expect others to take your well-intended phrase?"
Then again, there's the good ol' "Jesus saves! He shoots! He scores!!"
I might reply with, "It's a great day to be alive. The Universe is grand and unfathomable. We're along for the ride. Isn't that awesome?" I'd otherwise ignore the religious aspect of their speech. I feel the woo stuff. It's just emotional highs. I don't attribute it to the supernatural. Nature is super enough without deities, fairies, or giants.
I don't know about other places, but in the South, such things are said as social lubricant... Every society has them... It's the bless yous after sneezing, please, thank you, hello, etc. It will take a long time to weed out the religious SLs. I know in my family, the "Jesus loves you!" phrase is often said to pick you up when you're down. How could you feel sad when the king of the universe LOVES you? (Nevermind that he'd be more of the prince--and wait, isn't Satan the prince of the world? LMAO Oh, xianity...) Why not say, "I love you?" --except that it is too much of a big deal in English. "Jesus loves you" needs a replacement SL phrase... That or people need to get over feeling awkward when someone's down. Bad moods and depression can't be solved in a phrase. It's not your place to do so. "I care" might be better... It's simple, direct and not loaded with religiosity.
I say “Oh no thanks”, and give them a smile. It’s technically a polite response, but gets the message across.
"He told you he loves me? Is he still spreading that shit around? I told him I'm not interested. Damn. I guess I need to get that restraining order."
You guys all have responses I like. Love the humor in most of them. I need all the smiles I can get, because I tend to get way too serious.
My response would depend on who said it too me, how they said it, and why they said it. I've never had anyone say "Jesus loves you" to me, because I'm in Mormon country. Mormons are way too pushy with their religion, but they're a little more subtle (and smart) than to say that.
A month ago, a new older couple moved in next door. When I talked to the man, he said he was not much into religion, but after talking to his wife, I'm a little concerned about how religious she is. We didn't talk about religion, but as we finished and I turned and walked away, she said "God bless you." I didn't say anything, but thought "Oh, no! Not one of those people!"
I don't think she's Mormon, because they don't use that phrase either.
Phrases like that annoy me quite a bit, so if she does it again, I'll likely respond. If I get the idea she's trying to push her religion on me, I'll probably be fairly strait-forward and tell her I don't believe in fairy-tales since I grew up, or something like that. If she doesn't seem preachy, but just friendly, I'll thank her for her kind thought, but tell her I'm a non-believer, and see how things play-out from there.
Great responses, all. Religious people need their feathers ruffled. I like the empirical approach: "Oh, yeah? Well, how do you know? And why doesn't he show it? He never calls or writes. If he loves me, how about a Porsche waiting in my driveway when I get home?"