I live in a very religious town, so I hear this saying about 2 or 3 times every week, whether it be to me or someone near me.  I usually don't respond when it is said to me, but what do you think a good response would be?

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Loves me!?! More like obssessed! He's been blowing my phone up every day for a week!
"No, he's only in love with the idea of me."

"Yeah, that's why he's going to throw me into hell. That kind of "love" I can do without". You could simply say, "That kind of love I can do without".

You could also say, "Really, where does it say that in the Bible". I'm hard pressed to find a text that says Jesus Loves anyone. In John 14, you have this....


Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.


Theologically it's not the love of Jesus the Son but the love of God the father that is the root of the saving work they are talking about. Jesus obeys the Father and goes to the cross but it is Jesus' love for the Father, not his love for the world that motivates that work. God plans and orders salvation, Jesus accomplishes it and the Holy Spirit applies it. That is Christian theology. It's been a long time since I've done this but I'd challenge them to find a text and quote it to me chapter and verse.

Then again Jesus also executes the judgment of God so like I said, that's love I can do without.
Jesus loves you too, everyone else thinks you're a fill in appropriate noun
My wife has this anecdote that I will atempt to do justice to involving an entire chorus of retarded children singing "Jesus Loves Me". Apparently, instead of being taught to feed themselves, part their hair, tie their shoes, or anything that may have been usefull, they were taught how to perform this song. My wife's response anyway was to say that if that is what Jesus does w people he loves, then she was glad to have been left well enuf alone.


"Tell me about it, I had to get a restraining order"!

"Yeah, but Zeus gives better reach-arounds"

"I didn't know zombies could love"

"Yeah, but his dad's a real asshole"

*with a bewildered look* Tell him to stop calling me! I've had it up to here with his passive-aggressive antics!




Great, one more person to block on facebook...




"Well that's great and all, but tell him I still have that rash..."




"Thanks, now if you have any other imaginary friends to inform me of their amorous intentions...don't"




"Great! But Pan thinks you're a dick"

"Jesus loves you!!!"

"then why did he make it burn when i have to pee?"

That's not jesus' fault :[

Off to the doctors to get penicillan!


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