You are a fortunate man to have such a fertile imagination and so little fear of making enemies. It gives you freedom others can't afford.
Vegan, I enjoyed reading your long post. My favorites are:
"I used to believe in your imaginary "jesus"... then I turned 8..."
"I stopped believing in fairy tales like that when I was 7... when will you?"
"Aren't you a little old to still believe in fairy tale characters?"
"Aren't you a little old to still believe in an imaginary friend?"
"Awww... isn't that cute... you're in your (30's, 40's, 50's, etc..) and you still have an (or talk to your) imaginary friend... isn't that special." <as in "The Church Lady"…"What about all the thousands of young children that are kidnapped, beaten, raped, tortured, & murdered every year... why doesn't he love them enough to protect them from harm?""If he REALLY loved me... he'd stop all you *&&*^&^%&% _____ (evangelicals, morons, idiots, etc...) from harassing me every day!"
I suppose since I've only lived in more liberal parts of the country (in the Northeast, now California), and even when I traveled, I stuck to the cities, so I've never had to hide the fact that I'm an atheist, and it has never become an issue. But I would much rather keep an opinion to myself than start a pointless argument with one Christian, never mind a whole community. I think that even if I had lived in such a community, having a social life would have been much more important than flouting "facts" that other people don't seem to understand. I liken it to that annoying kid that always goes "Did you know..."; he might be right, but no one likes him anyways.
As I see it, if you want to be a hero, there are many much more important and practical things to champion than "Does God exist?" You might have even succeeded in convincing some of those brainwashed Charter school-attending kids about some facets of science if you weren't so preoccupied attacking his imaginary mentor.
There's got to be a good, short and sweet response though.
A sort of not exactly rude but, "make them think" response...?
The problem is you can't know the situation of the other—they might be going through terrible difficulties and just have chosen an inappropriate way of reaching out. Your response might seem cruel.
Perhaps the difficulties have in part to do with an existential problem?
Yeah - let's not forget the pink unicorn - it loves them back - hahaha
Yeah, Jesus LOVES Travis Bickle ... HOOBOY!
that's good Napoleon
How about: I hope he doesn't love me as much as he loves my sister. He loved her so much he let her die an excruciatingly slow and agonizing death from Lou Gehrig's disease just so he could bring her to him in her early 50s instead of letting her live the full live she so richly loved. I don't need that kind of love from Jesus.
Or how about: Jesus loves me? He must not know what I think of him!
Or: "Jesus loves you."
"No, I'm sorry. Jesus doesn't love me, because I don't hate my family as he commanded."
Just say, "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law."