"Your New Partner, If Found Too Soon After A Divorce, Will Be Much Like Your Former Partner."

New members of Singletarians heard that caution soon after they joined the large (400+ members) singles group that met weekly at the Phoenix Arizona Unitarian-Universalist church.

I heard it, ignored it, and learned its truth. My needs, not clearly known, influenced my choice more than my reason.

Is it true also that when people leave a long-held religion, they find it difficult to cast aside every element of that religion?

I quit Catholicism traumatically and the thought of someday returning sickened me. I did not right away lose my desire to hear the sounds of a large pipe organ in a cathedral-like building.

Sometimes, leaving takes time.

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Some people find a new partner before the divorce.   Sometimes, long before the divorce.  Maybe that is true for religion too.

As for me, I joined and attended Unitarian Universalist fellowships for a number of years, long after putting Baptist bullshit behind me.  It was partly for the friendship and community, and partly to find like minded people who wanted to get together but did not believe in, or approve of,  their prior churches.  It was a place where I could engage in conversations about things that were important to me.  In the end, UU was too religious for me, and often just too silly.  So I quit that too.  Plus, too much time was spent with former Catholics and former Jews competing about whose religion caused the most guilt.  Neither could believe they were not the most abused.  As the only former Baptist who I knew, I was on my own with what it meant to be a former fundamentalist.

Yeah, Daniel, I too for a while found interesting people, conversations and partners at the UU churches in Phoenix and then San Francisco.

In Phoenix my exwife and I both went to the Singletarians and occasionally spoke of our "conquests". l joined the Sierra Club, where outings and environmental political activism consumed my free time.

I ‘retired’ at 45 and moved to SF maybe to go to law school (but didn’t). For intellectual stimulation I liked the weekly non-religious Explorations program at the UU church and got an education in the social sciences I hadn’t studied in college. For company I liked the Singletarians, where I learned of SF Sex Information. My volunteer work at www.sfsi.org remedied 12 years of Catholicism's seriously sick sexual dogma.

I gradually became more atheistic and UUism seemed too religious so I left to write a book on how newly-active people can acquire political power. Some of its chapters were published in a parliamentary journal, but the book was better therapy than anything else so I never did the final drafts.



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