Post your bad experiences you have had in your relationship because of your atheism and/or their theism. Also post how it was resolved (if it was), and warnings to allow others to avoid the pitfalls.

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Good topic, Byron.

Shortly after coming to Frisco I started attending The North Texas Church of Freethought. This made my wife immensely uncomfortable. She was afraid that the church existed only to mock Christians - but she never went to see for herself what went on. I thought that it was only fair for me to experience some sort of community like she was getting every Sunday. She never warmed up to the idea so I dropped out. So far, this is the biggest concession I've had to make. But her world was seriously rocked when I became an atheist - she deserves a break every once in a while.

NTCOF was a good experience for me and I have a lot of respect for its founders,Tim Gorski, Debbie Boak and Mike and Marilyn Sullivan.
I wish we had something like that here in my bible-belt indiana town!
I became an atheist while my fiancee was pregnant with our daughter. She acted cool with it for a while, but one day it all exploded! She didn't see how I could change, and at one point in the conversation she told me I was going to hell because I turned away from god. I almost left her over that remark.

She assures me now that she doesn't think I'm going to hell. I'm just glad I decided to stick it out. I love her more than anything, with the exception of my daughter and unborn baby that she is carrying.
The accusation that we "turned away from god" does get emotional. I don't think I've ever handled it well. Before waking up, I was a Calvinist. My wife was, and is, a leaky Calvinist. So I suppose she takes comfort that my salvation is intact.

We can talk about some religious matters but we only do so from common ground. We both kind of realize that my status with God is something that she has to work out on her own. I can empathize with her, but I seriously do not have anything meaningful to say.
If you are Calvinist, how do you know whether you are destined for heaven or hell?
(Sorry I posted this on another topic b/f I found this one)

My fiance (dating 4 years) is rather devote in her beliefs. But she only goes to church once every month or two. Her Mother (who lives two doors down), never misses a day. If the doors are open, she's in there. (BTW, we're talking Southern Baptists). My fiance's ex was a decon/youth pastor or something like that. His parents and grandparents are thumpers. She also has a six year old daughter who goes with grandma every so often, and with dad everyother weekend.

She knew I didn't believe like she did. But one night she asked me out right and I answered outright...I wasn't a Christian, I didn't believe in Jesus and on and so forth. She started crying. I also told her that I wasn't going to BS her daughter if she came up to me with questions about "whatever". Lets just say I got up and left that night. But she called the next day and wanted to continue our relationship. I'm that awesome LOL! Anyone else almost/or have split up over the topic? What do you think the future holds? I know it's not over....
I am glad things worked out. How long ago did this happen?

You are lucky to have a Southern Baptist willing to give an atheist a chance! :-) when you say that! My wife is So. Baptist. She goes to a So.Baptist ch. anyway.
I did smile :-) I'm glad its working out for you too!
You absolutely did. And, to my embarrassment, I see that I neglected to smile in my reply! I gotta learn how to post some day!! :-)
I'd say it happened about 4-6 months ago. Nothing's been said so far...

My situation seems a lot less hopeful than many of yours. I ended up marrying a Muslim girl that I started dating in college. We did all this secretly, because it is against Islam (according to her anyway) to date. I'll be the first to admit that I was not being clearheaded about this from the beginning, and it only gets worse from here. I told her outright from the beginning that I was an atheist and that I've been one since I was 12 at least, so that if she had any problems with it that it wasn't going to change and that it was something that was actually very important to me. I figured if she still decided to continue with me that she would have to be supportive and understanding. Perhaps she thought that this might change, that I was possibly only an atheist because of my terrible childhood and family situation, or that she would introduce me to Islam and I would have a revelation or something, who knows? We had only a few discussions about religion, half of which ended up in huge fights and me thinking it wasn't going to work out after all. But when that didn't break us up, it just faded into the background, something which we hardly ever discussed again (we did have one discussion in the past year about the problem of evil, which she did not have an answer for). She had to hide our relationship from her entire (large) family for years, and didn't even tell them when we got married (just like her older brother who married a woman almost the same age as their mother and with children and grandchildren of her own). Finally she told them we got married, but conveniently left out the fact that I am an atheist. To this day they don't know, though some of her siblings have their suspicions. Thankfully most of her family lives in Istanbul, Turkey, so we hardly ever see them, but when we did finally meet, well, that was interesting! It only took about 8 years before I finally met her parents. Most of her family actually like me now (I am likeable!), but she lies to them and tells them I am learning about Islam or that I want to convert or some BS, and she begs me not to tell them because it would destroy her relationship with her family, which I of course don't want to be the cause of.


We have had an extremely rocky relationship over the years, especially early on, though things have finally gotten tolerable. She got pregnant with our first (later diagnosed with autism) when I was still trying to finish my BA, which made me furious (she was supposed to have been taking BC pills but apparently wasn't taking them on schedule, whether on purpose or not I'll never know). I would have left her after some of our early major fights (perhaps epic is a better word), but because we had children (we had a second only 13 months later, and a third another 18 months later, all with her supposedly taking BC), I always came back. I didn't want to repeat my father's absence and terrible parenting with my children, and I sure as hell wasn't going to let no damned Muslim raise my sons! Being with her was, at that point, an unfortunate requirement for being there for my sons.


Well as I said, things have become tolerable nowadays. I no longer wish she would just die and let me have my sons all to myself. And there are of course parts of her which I love; she has a strong character to say the least, she loves me a great deal, she can be a wonderful and thoughtful person, and she works very hard to support our family. She now lives and works overseas while the four of us have come back stateside so that they (and especially our oldest, who needs special services which are not offered in the Middle East where we lived for two years) can go to school. This has brought me a great deal of freedom and some very, much-needed space. I have even been able to drink alcohol on occasion! But she is still very much a child in too many ways. She would have a heart attack if she knew I was on this site, for example, so I have to keep it hidden from her. She also cannot bear the thought of me having any female friends, she is completely insecure about that, so when the mother of my middle son asked me if we'd like to arrange a play-date for our kids, my wife of course had to ask me to schedule it (really reschedule, unbeknownst to her) for when she will be here, which is two weeks from now. In fact she is extremely uncomfortable with me having friends of any gender, and has effectively destroyed virtually all of my outside relationships. My Facebook page is as empty as a graveyard (meanwhile she has hundreds of friends, male and female, but they are all people she used to work with or family friends, etc. etc.). I am still unhappy in this marriage, and was hoping I could get my own career underway one day soon so I had the financial means to leave her, but unfortunately there is no work out there for people with only a BA in philosophy. I am slowly working on my Masters, but with full-time duty of taking care of our sons and nobody to help me, no family to lean on, no friends, it is slowly sucking the life out of me. My sons are my greatest joy, and A|N has given me a much-needed outlet for socialization, poor substitute though it is for actual human contact. And while school is stressful it keeps me hopeful that I might have my own source of income some day, and I don't have to rely on her for all of my needs. But she will likely be returning here to find work with her old boss in NY, and then I'll have to readjust to living with her on a permanent basis, so that will be another chapter of my life, and another challenge.


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