“Nonviolent Communication” Excerpts and Notes:

Author: Marshall B Rosenberg


                        Expressing Honestly              Receiving Empathically

1.  Observing       When I see …                      When you see …

2.  Feeling           I feel …                              I sense you feel …

3.  Needing         Because I need … ...             Because you need …

4.  Requesting     Would you be willing to …       Would you like …



Differentiate between what we:


Observe        When I see/hear …                    description of events (not evaluation)

Feel              I feel …                                   refer to feelings lists

Need             because I need/want/value …     refer to needs list

Request         Are you willing to …                   what action you want

Think             I think …                                 thoughts you have - opinions / ideas



•  What we are - Seeing - Hearing - Touching

•  That is – Affecting our Well-Being

•  Specific to Time and Context


Make Requests that acknowledge:

•  Autonomy

•  Interdependence

•  Responsibility for our own feelings, thoughts, needs and actions

•  Awareness that our own well-being and that of others are one and the same


Receiving Empathically:


Empty my mind and listening with my whole being


We only hear and reflect what others are –


1.         observing

2.         feeling

3.         needing

4.         requesting


Reflect back messages that are emotionally charged


“So you would like to die”


Maintaining Empathy:


We know a speaker has received adequate empathy when:


1.         we sense a release of tension; or

2.         the flow of words comes to a halt


"When asking for information, first express our own feelings and needs"

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