Actually, that first one is a van dyke, not a goatee.
I know. I saw. I'm just commenting in general. Most people get that wrong.
Being a relatively hairless ape, I've always been turned-off by a lot of hair, especially the 10 o' clock shadow, and the 3-day BUM look. I enjoy the sarcasm of this piece.
Now I wish someone would make a sarcastic bit about the hairy atheists. I'm thinking specifically of the "Unholy Trinity". I like what they say, but am repulsed by their hairiness.
Well, I'd make a very poor man-crush for you then, man. I'm a freaking chia pet.